Motionwerkz is actually pretty inaccessible. I have an idea how to get there because of an old event but if not for that, I would've gotten lost. So if you're intending to try this place, come early to sound out the location.
Following my own advice, I came early to check out the place. I was running low on phone battery so I didn't have maps but I remembered how to get here so HENG AH but anyway, so I checked in at the studio. To start my review I'd like to say this place is the most gorgeous studio I've ever seen.
Since taking pole, I have become convinced that I'm only happy when I'm 6 feet in the air. That's why I've been desperately looking for aerial yoga as well but more on that later.
And seeing this place damn near gave me an orgasm. I tried everything. I did TRX here, I slept in the swing like a baby, I stretched out, I swung. And of course, I took photos of it all.
In the end, playing got me dizzy LOL so I did mat yoga to calm down for about 15 minutes before getting sleepy and falling asleep in the cradle. I woke up to the studio doors opening and CLASS STARTED!
I don't know the instructor's name but I was her only student today. And she warned me that she is extremely militant for 1-on-1 teaching. I said I was game. And the torture began.
She had no idea how fucking rock solid my inflexible hips were till she pushed me down into this position I could die in. In fact, every pose I did in this class could've resulted in my early death. It was so tortuously slow.
She was open minded so I could tell me when certain poses were easy for me. If it's hard, she can tell - my face scrunches up and my body tightens. But sometimes, the pose is easy and I want to go further so she'd teach me how to push my limit.
At one point, I was saying the pose is pretty okay and she instructed me to push down on my thighs and IMMEDIATELY something in my thigh cracked LOL so timely.
She could tell I was bad with flexibility and so she prioritized that above core and upper body strength exercises. I struggled struggled struggled until she finally said, "Okay now time for core exercises," and my face must have lit up subconsciously because she immediately smiled and said, "Core you like righttt. Y'all pole dancers all like this one."
And with that, I completed the core and upper body workouts without trouble. We concluded the lesson with a final, God-awful stretch that eventually relaxed me into bliss. I am so addicted to pain it's ridiculous. I am not happy till I'm suffering.
I cannot stress enough in this review: Motionwerkz is worth your journey to this godforsaken part of Singapore. I wish so much I could go back to Platnum for aerial but this instructor, this instructor truly makes your while.
I left the lesson seriously fucking invigorated, instead of tired. My instructor is very particular about me doing yoga the right way, which means slow poses and proper breathing. Perhaps that's why? But no matter. My body felt good!
Till Candice made me go for North Indian sigh I ended up eating masala and briyani and tandoori and I was so sure I was gonna get fat, till I woke up the next day with aches the size of a Kardashian ass and hip bones sharp enough to pierce any veil.
So I guess my calories truly disappeared lol GOD BLESS THIS BODY.
Anyway, supper with Candice is possibly one of the more enjoyable things in life. In between her horror stories of being a nurse and realistically-comical outlook on everything, I found myself staying till 10.30pm and forgetting my work due FUCK ME.
Rushed home and worked till 3am.
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Today was my most productive day yet!
My morning was spent doing work. In my old days, I really like to rush through stuff. But nowadays, I take a bigger pride in saying, "Yes, my report is error-free" and knowing me, I'll eventually inculcate speed in it and end up doing an actual error-free report in record time anyway.
But more on the more important stuff.
My grandma came over for a surprise visit!
She is so cute hehe. She received a new ezlink card in the mail and after my uncle translated the letter for her, she left the house at 10am to do the card replacement as instructed. Obviously, nowhere is open at 10am so she spontaneously decided to come nua at my place!
And she is so lazy hehe, she made my uncle promise to pick her up and send her home before coming home. SO DEVIOUS!
The minute she stepped in, she started getting into a little bustle and racking up a delicious aroma in the kitchen. My god my grandma is the perfect housewife. Why did I not inherit this strange food-preparing ability?
Me bumming while she cooks her guys out!
I had to leave in a bit for my final hot yoga session and I forgot to leave on her favourite show before I left and hence called my baby brother to do it. He struggled briefly with the Chinese word YouKu but eventually did it hahah.
I dreaded the last session.
I grew to love hot yoga. By nature, I perspire very easily. Being in a hot room, forced into body positions that would have been unnatural to me a year ago, pushed my body into overdrive. So I'll always be tortured throughout the whole session but leave feeling fucking satisfied.
This session was on par with my previous. Rina remains my favourite instructor, but this one was pretty strong too.
Unlike the evening class, he moves around during lessons to adjust us one by one. I am not sure if it's because I drank an overload of green tea before I came but I was glistening with perspiration within 10 minutes of his lesson. 10 minutes.
By the end of the lesson, I had reached for my towel six times and was feeling mighty good about myself because I can finally, finally, finally, do a upside down curve that no longer looks like a broken square. And it's all because he kept pushing us too. Platinum has fucking good instructors.
Goodbye my favourite yoga land.
After that was a quick lunch with Joey and Daphne before rushing off to my next yoga appointment: Hatha Yoga at The Yoga Collective. And here, the review starts its journey to Hell.
Now, the recent influx of yoga in my life has generally made me harder to hold onto anger. I want to be angry, feel it to the core, then let go and not revisit. So writing this post is actually painful for me.
NOT!
I vowed to fucking destroy this place and I will.
Now, I took a while to find the place. Note that I was in my sports shoes but carrying my work bag. In my eagerness to be on time, I ran across roads and junctions in a blind bid to reach the place punctually.
In the end, I was late. By three full minutes.
The door to the place was locked.
There was a number to dial and I did. The person on the other line explained they have a strict policy about punctuality. I tried to explain my situation, about how I truly was only late because I needed time to find their tucked-in studio. She almost gave a shit - she first asked, "Are you a student or from KFit?"
I said KFit. I said it was my first lesson after signing for a full-access on the app. And without hesitation, she put on the most saccharine voice she could muster and told me it's too bad I was late. And she hung up.
WHAT THE FUCK?
I WAS JUST 3 MINUTES LATE.
I AM AT YOUR DOOR. I volunteered to just sit in and watch without participating as my fucking-weird? punishment for being late but she just said no. And she said it so happily. The whole time she was fucking delighted to refuse me. Whereas I was gonna cry because I truly wasted my trip there.
And I fucking swear, her rejection was so chirpy, I could've told her I was late because I was at a funeral and she'd just, "Oh! I'm so sorry. But we have a strict policy. People also die already, who ask you stay so long lol they also don't know! And besides the instructor doesn't bring her phone into class lol! Better luck next time!"
Fine.
Hence I vowed to leave The fucking Yoga fucking Collective a shit review on every platform I find, starting with KFit.
So the very next day, Prasanth from KFit replied. He apologized for my bad experience. I replied politely that all policies should have allowances for the sincere, which I truly fucking was.
His reply? He screenshot their KFit punctuality policy, sent it to me, and ended with, "Please read the punctuality disclaimer on the app. Hope to see you soon Leslie."
THE FLYING FUCK.
YOU WASTE MY TIME, YOU WASTE MY TRANSPORT, YOU KILLED MY VIRGIN KFIT EXPERIENCE, AND YOU CALL ME BY A WRONG NAME? What are you, the karmic debt from me doing that to all my ex boyfriends?!
Jesus Christ I'm gonna go yell at them at Yelp later.
Fuck you The fucking Yoga fucking Collective. I hope you read this review and realize this is gonna be on the first Google page for the now-no-longer-unsuspecting poor folks who are Googling "The Yoga Co review" hoping to try you guys.
Anyway, I decided fuck it, I didn't need them anyway. I was more excited for the next class in my list: Swing Yoga at Motionwerkz.
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