(it has since ended but I'm gonna try restarting ok don't judge me)
1) Ask yourself: Do I want this piece of chicken or do I want to be skinny?
If your answer is the latter, walk away slowly and carefully as if escaping a potentially dangerous animal. Except this animal doesn't eat your fats like a true-green diet machine, THIS ANIMAL GIVES YOU FATS. THE FUCKING HORROR!
If your answer is the former, then you no hope already don't bother reading on. Get the set. Upsize. Contemplate the add-on cheese fries. Stress over how many calories it is. Get it anyway. Give up on life. Unfollow @fitgirlsinstagram. Weep and eat aforementioned chicken and fries. Remember food is not love. Weep and eat some more. At least that's what I did yesterday.
2) Do mental calorie calculations
I am not a calculative person (I am) but to make things simple, follow this formula:
8am - 11am: Your food item's calorie x 0.8
12pm - 5pm: Your food item's calorie
6pm - 11pm: Your food item's calorie x 69
Got it? Yes it gets hard to deny dinner because we are Asians and our ancestors decided in a fit of self-hatred that our family gathering meal is always dinner-time so sometimes, it is impossible to siam.
Which leads me to my next powerful point:
3) When in doubt, always hop over to your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend's Instagram profile
It doesn't have to be your current boyfriend's ex. It can be any of your ex's current squeezes! Oh the joy of choice! View it multiple times a day to maximize impact!
For my delicious concoction of self-loathing and ill-motivation, I'd view my the Instagram accounts of my longest ex's current girlfriend and Gabriel's ex. One of them has a waist the size of my ring finger and the other has the flexibility of a circus whore. Each of them inspire me in their own magical way!
Till today, I can't point a finger on whether it's their face that causes my appetite loss or my general competitive streak but hey, whatever works, and this fucking works like a charm.
4) Drink green tea like it's your oxygen supply
You're bored? Drink green tea. Your mouth is itching? Drink green tea. You lost your hamster? Drink green tea. You found a lost cat in your block staircase? Drink green tea. You lost 3kg? Okay, you can give yourself a break and drink iced green tea instead.
By green tea, I mean home-brewed green tea. None of that Pokka or Seasons crap. If you load up on those, you're gonna die a tub of lard. I like my green tea bitter like my soul, so I don't put sugar nor milk. And that's how you should drink it too. Green tea kills appetite.
5) Never be happy
I mean it.
It is so easy to overeat when you're happy.
Which is why I over-eat with Gabriel all the time because he makes me so happy hehe. I'm not blaming him. He is my sun, my moon and all my stars. But anyway, a (crash) diet works best when you're feeling sick to your stomach, therefore murdering your appetite.
Whenever I quarrel with Gabriel, I would be fucking ravenous because I believe food is love. But I'd look at the incriminating cheesecake and think about his ex, our quarrel, the pettiness of it all, and I'll resolve to be hot and irreplaceable so he'll never leave me and I'll scrape the cake.
Scrape the cake. Catchyyy.
Of course, many people will tell you to be positive. And you should, you truly should. But until you have enough self-control to deter food even when you're in a cloud-nine mood, stick to my method. It'll work. It'll upset you till it work.
And now finally, the most legit tip of all:
6) Forgive yourself
It is easy to stay three hours without food then crash into a bucket of KFC chicken that your mum incidentally brought home. It truly is fine. You can eat. But don't limit yourself and say, "okay since I crashed and burned today already, I'll restart tomorrow."
No.
Forgive yourself.
Accept the calorie spike, and continue trying.
This was something I learnt in maybe week two, when my diet was falling apart. I'd eat small snatches of everything and I'd want so bad to just start over the next day, but I'd persist. I would persist, and starve myself to make up for the lapse earlier, and carry on.
And more often than not, your scale will show their forgiveness too.
Losing weight is not as hard as you think. It can be the easiest thing in the world if you have a good control of your mind, not your body, your mind. Calorie deficit is key to weight loss. If you can conquer cravings, you can conquer anything.
So there you have it! 6 bulletproof tips to help you go on your merry way.
Good luck!
My back-to-back pole classes were killer today.
I missed one last week so I thought I could do two back to back today, since Lixuan was in the former class. I met her at the MRT (yay happy coincidence!) and we proceeded to get a little lost BUT eventually found our way!
Lo and behold, the pole beginner class was FUCKING tough.
As it turned out, this class is basically a long series of cut-up choreo. So I had no idea what was taught last week was hence pretty clueless. One of the instructors was kind enough to personally keep guiding me because she could tell I was lost. A blind man could've told I was lost. I'm sorry.
Pole tricks was okay though.
In fact, there was a move that in the class, only I could do.
All the girls, and the instructors, just stopped to watch me/ check my form. BUT STILL I DID NOT EARN ANY PRAISE.
Backstory: I felt pretty neglected because the instructor seem to like this pair of girls much more than me and this other beginner girl. Which is good for me, because I'm competitive as shit and her lack of attention made me stretch my limits and strive for her out-of-reach praise.
Came home quickly to record all the pole tricks while it is still fresh in my head but I kept banging against everything in my room and nowww I am full of feet and hand bruises LOL this is a pole of certain doom.
My night was spent rushing over to my baby, whose been the sweetest thing all day, only to hear his upsetting news.
If there's anything stronger than my invincible belief in my sense of self, it is my love for him.
And my love is impossible to earn.
He did, because God he is loving in ways I can't imagine, he is always there when I need him, he knows exactly what I need at any given point but most important of all - he matches, if not surpasses, me on an intellectual level.
There is nothing I can't speak about with him because he always has his own input on the matter too.
He has a set of incredible knowledge that differs greatly from mine. He has an innate understanding of human nature, mechanics and world history (so sexy) while I lean towards the arts, business operations and world current news.
We complement each other perfectly.
I respect him deeply for his impossible intelligence.
And as such, I believe in him fully. I believe he can rise above whatever is plaguing him right now and I believe like phoenix from ashes, he will have a fucking glorious return and crush everyone who ever doubted him. You can do it baby. I know you can.
But he couldn't feel it at that time so we spent the night in his bed, me holding and hugging him and trying my best to starve out his fears, the same way he does for me. And I hope so much he feels better soon. My magic man will conquer the world once he feels well again.
Went home early and caught a happy old couple on my way home heh heh.
Also, I realize I now subconsciously hug bus poles the way I hug my studio poles:
Hahah oh well, moving on.
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