For what it's worth

Today, I wanted to go to Marina Bay Sands.

Gabriel was, of course, unhappy about it. He just wanted to Dota and so I fell asleep waiting for him. Naturally, when I woke up, he was still at it. I laughed at my own plight and fucked off home. He made sure to check on my wellness, only when his game ended.

Hahahah I don't think he realized it yet, that every single time he disappoints me, he's only giving me more material to harden myself with when I decide to leave him. But so be it.

But in the end, he brought me there.

He tried to convince me that he only looked forward to two things - seeing me, and going to one special event per week with me. Unless his idea of a weekly special are 5-hour poker nights and solo Dotaing while I sleep like a dog in his bed, I call bullshit on his supposed yearning.



















Today, I told you I feel our love faded. 

You got angry. You stormed out of the room, cigarettes in hand. I left you alone but rushed out when I heard a loud noise from the kitchen. You walked towards me in the dark and told me it's fine and to go back to bed.

You asked me what could you do.

You said you've tried your best to be sweeter, more loving, and to plan better dates this weekend. And I asked if you thought one weekend was enough. And you lapsed into your rage again, expecting me to bend over and pacify you.

But not this time.

This time, I simply turned away.

And you had to calm down and talk to me again.

It is true, what a friend advised me late one night, that there's no harsher way to inspire change in a person than when the said person leaves you. Leaving someone is giving them the key to a searing clarity that they can view only when they're alone.

You've tried to shove that key down my throat so many times that you've finally subdued all my persistence of having you into just a small preference.

You did this to yourself.

You tried to leave me repeatedly.

You said your first reaction will always be to leave.

Then don't expect me to hold you back.



I'm just waiting for you to kill the last thing worth staying for,

Or is there none left?