Circa 2013

Finally met Su An for dinner!

There is no bigger takeaway from my time at SIM other than these three - her, April and Mintao. I'm glad for my cert naturally, but I'm gladder that I found all 3 of the people who I want to keep in my life for as long as I breathe. Sigh. I miss hanging out with all 3 of them.

Headed to meet Gabriel after that.

He was pretty much on his toes the whole night. I was distracted a fair bit. He was in a lot of pain and kept telling me about how something changed and that this is the first sailing where he's genuinely certain I didn't miss him at all.

That tends to happen when days before you sail, you refuse to sell a bike with an old lover's name, and then proceed to threaten to leave your current lover repeatedly and desperately, basking in the sick pleasure of seeing her beg to keep you.

I didn't pity his pain.

He deserved it.

I continued the rest of my night in my own world while he tried to pry shit out from me. Did I cheat on him? Did I meet someone new? Of course it's my bullshit and not his doing. Being threatened to leave means nothing in the face of a better man.

We had time to kill before our movie and so he thought of having a round of pool. I haven't played in a while. But it didn't matter. He set the table and I got ready but halfway I realized, more than ever, I truly felt as if I was just going out with a friend instead of with a lover.

What changed this time?

I guess I need to figure that out too.