Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Do you hear that?

Well I love you so much, but do me a favor baby, don't reply.
Because I can dish it out, but I can't take it.


I know you are the one for me.



I know because when you're not here it feels like my soul is dying bit by bit. I meet my friends and I immerse myself in work but there isn't a minute where I don't think about you. You've became such an inseparable part of my soul.

I can function, of course I can. I am not invalid without you, but I am not.. unlocked. It is like I have a range of emotions, where the highest spectrum of happiness is accessible by you only. And now everything I feel is a lesser shade of what you can make me feel, of how I am when I'm with you.

You once said I make you feel complete and accomplished and loved and courageous. You make feel the same, You make me feel beyond that - you make me feel invincible.

And now without you, I feel like a shell of the person I can be.

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I was 12, I discovered American-British sit-com The Nanny.

It was a simple show - a nanny finds herself on the doorstep of a British musical producer's home. He hires her as a nanny and a series of adventures and misadventures unfold. It ends in their marriage after eight seasons.

This show had such a powerful influence on me. I come to this show for fashion inspiration, I learnt the brief history of modern musicals, I grew to know the icons of the 90's entertainment industry unknown to anyone else my age.

But that was all. I never thought it impacted me beyond that.

I was binge watching the episodes one day, closing in to season six. It was around the time where Maxwell Sheffield finally declared his love and then, all of the subsequent episodes had him showing affection to Fran.

She would parade down the trademark stairs in something stunning, and he would look at her with all the love in the world in his eyes and go, "God you look amazing. My beautiful darling."

And I thought about Gabriel.

I thought about the way he gushed over I was beautiful and how everyone wanted to steal me away. I thought about the way he told me how amazing I looked and how everyone must be wondering how hung is he to have scored me. And I realize, cheesy as it is, he truly is my Maxwell Sheffield.

My god just typing that made my keyboard contemplate suicide.

But it's true.

He is my knight in shining armour, he is my eye in a storm, he is my comforter when I'm in distress, he is my encouragement when I'm demotivated, he is my bear when I need cuddles, he is all that I never knew I wanted in a man.

My very own English man.

It's day four without you here honey. I'm doing okay, the walls are not closing in on me. But I do wish you'd come back soon. I go to sleep earlier just so the days would pass sooner, till I see you again.

Come home soon.

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