Backstory: our Airbnb apartment is gorgeous. I couldn't have chosen a better home. But as per hotels and resorts, the owner gave us only two keys to his home. Dorisa has a key and Siewsia has the other. I decided I'll be the handicap.
With this in mind, we made our way to Shinjuku Bus Terminal.
All highway bus tickets have to be booked in advance on the Highway Buses JP website. I found out the hard way when yesterday, when I tried buy bus tickets to Fuji-Q, only to realize they offer no same-day tickets sales.
Instead, me and Siewsia were directed to their upper floor, where we had to immediately decide on departure and arrival timings. Fuji-Q had a dedicated bus stop, with a journey time of 1h40min at a cost of 1750 yen per trip. We were given our advance tickets after payment.
And off we went!
The rest of the views are in Siewsia's phone.
I spent much of this trip typing the longest rant on tattoos and Siewsia didn't know. She didn't want to intrude on my privacy by peering to see what I was typing, so she just tried chit chatting with me awww so cute hahah.
Fuji-Q loomed into view and we alighted!
I did not take I'd have the guts for this coaster.
Siewsia kept dragging me to do it and kept saying I've skydived, what is this compared to it and so I obliged but my god. When the roller coaster was on its ascent, I kept thinking, "Holy fuck why did I sign up for this why why why I'm gonna die LET ME DIE."
But in the end the exhilaration was so fucking amazing that I ended up being the more excited one and dragging Siewsia around quickly to clear as many rides as we can before the park closes.
There is a little French town model leading up to Fuji-Q's entrance.
They call it La Ville de Gaspard Et Lisa.
Now, I came across an article on a very ridiculous subject some time back. It was an article that chronicled a particular syndrome that the Japanese are most susceptible to, called the Paris Syndrome.
Basically, tourists to France have their own idea on what Paris should be like. It is the city of love, the air smells like Cupid's ass, the Eiffel is tear-jerkingly beautiful, the sunset is tinged by a lover's pink - everything is as the movies portray them to be.
And then comes the culture shock.
The French don't bathe as often as they should and they eat snails like their mothers' lives depended on it. I don't know the validity of all these, these are from a quick Google search. But the bottom line is: the realistic France differs greatly from the idealistic France. And of all the people affected by this great disparity, it is the Japanese that gets it worst.
In fact, there is a 24-hour help line run by the Japanese embassy to help Japanese tourists suffering from this condition. The embassy reports that on average twelve people suffer from this disorder annually. No shit.
YOU'RE DOOMING YOURSELF, JAPAN!
I see no escargots in your little French town! I see no deodorant stores! You are not ready for the cold hard truth! And La Ville de Gaspard Et Lisa will be the death of you! Not only because nobody can pronounce it, but because it's a sham!
But moving on, we entered the park!
Pro-tip: buy an express pass.
It will be the most worth while thing of them all.
We only managed to take two rides before it started to rain. Can you believe my luck? And for these two rides, we endured a crippling 1h30min wait for each. To top it off, the rain came just as our turn at the third ride came.
I wanted to stab something.
Refused to be defeated by the weather and convinced Siewsia to take photos!
I still can't believe I conquered this ride.
Most of the rides in this theme park are hardcore stuff. I'm not shitting you. Japan is truly the world's capital in all things weird and crazy. The rides here can bring the dead back to life. Here is a quick guide to their top rides:
Fujiyama boasts world-class specs, including a maximum speed of 130 km/h, a maximum drop of 70 m, and a maximum height of 79 m. The thrill on this attraction is so out-of-this-world that we guarantee you'll feel like you did the first time you rode it no matter how many times you're on it!
They forgot to mention how the ascent feels like being given the death penalty and how the descent feels like suicide from a bridge. They also did not mention how the speed knocks the breath out of you. Breath and life.
Eejanaika is a roller coaster with the highest total number of spins in the world. Enjoy unprecedented thrills as you experience three different kinds of spins, "the spinning of your seat forward and backward," "loops and flip-flops through the air," and "spinning with twists in it"!
I knew this was gonna be fucked up because a TripAdvisor man said this is hell on adrenaline. And holy shit it was bad bad bad. I shut my eyes five minutes into the ride. And so did Siewsia. And we knew because our ride photos were just both of us, head bowed, trying not to cry nor die hahaha.
Dodonpa goes up to 172 km/h in a mere 1.8 seconds after launch! This attraction that races around the entire park at speeds so fast you can't even breathe! Get a sense that you're being thrown through the air on the vertical tower, halfway through the track!
This is the fucking ride me and Siewsia missed, right outside of its entrance, just because the skies decided to part and weep. I could kick somebody. I should have kicked somebody. Goddamn.
Takabisha is a huge brand new roller coaster with the steepest drop in the world at 121°! A vertical ascent takes you straight up toward the sky followed by a brief stop at the top tilted downward just before the highlight finishing off with a max. 121°-tilt drop in free fall.
This was the ride I insisted not to take at the beginning, because even looking at the photo makes me ill. But then I saw their souvenir store with all these Takabisha-themed cookies and how can I buy them unless I conquer the ride, right?
In the end, Fuji-Q took care of my consumer worries by making it rain fml.
Fuji-Q has a zero-tolerance policy for tattoos so I covered up with baby's demin jacket at first. But when it rained, I started finding it hard to give a fuck, considering I spent 7500 YEN AND 3 HOURS TO FUCKING GET HERE.
And so I stripped it off and my photos were amazing!
My favourite slew of photos for Tokyo.
We brought Shinjuku departure tickets for 8.35am and Fuji-Q departure tickets for 6.45pm, because the park closes at 5pm and we thought that timing was just nice. But the rain came down at 3pm so we were stranded.
At around 4pm, Siewsia asked a conductor if they had earlier timings and she said no. So we settled in a waiting lounge sharing a drink pathetically. Then she decided to ask again after 15 minutes and WE MANAGED TO GET A 4.45PM!
See kids this is why you never give up! Keep annoying everyone till you get what you want! Somebody will eventually want you out of sight so bad, they'll give you what you ask for!
I was so thankful to Siewsia I could cry.
Before we left, we checked out the souvenir store. My god I went crazy here. The Japanese prides themseleves on their food packaging and everything here was etxra well done since its a tourist trap. Check out the gorgeous boxes!
The sweet cookies are the most delish of them all.
We were supposed to switch sim cards so I could have my turn at having the sim, but the data died on her phone so in the end, I made do with the wifi walker while she had to maneuver Ikebukuro without any GPS help at all.
We split and I headed to Shibuya to find Garage Land.
I was quite adamant on going there because the reviews online for it was fucking amazing. And everytime I turned a corner only to realize I'm at a wrong spot again, I will convince myself that the deserving will find it.
It never did occur to me that the place closed down. My GPS showed an empty parking lot where the place was but I refused to believe it. I kept wandering round and asking police men for help till the damned happened.
My phone ran out of battery the same time my wifi walker, which had been quiet all these time, died. I was happily taking photos and having my first ever solo meal in Tokyo when suddenly, I dropped off the world.
I tried to ask around for help. I have been encircling the area for two hours now trying to find the rock bar. I asked everyone and their English were limited and my Japanese non-existant so I couldn't get help. I asked police men to call the bartender to no avail. Exasperated, I made my way back.
Only to find out no one else was home yet.
I didn't think Siewsia would take long. She only had a little shopping to do and she'd be heading back. Dorisa also said she'd be back home early because she's running out of battery, and estimates her arrival at around 10pm.
It was 10pm and I was locked out of my apartment with no wifi, no battery, nothing. I dropped all my purchases and fell to the ground, completely breaking down. Then fifteen minutes of tears later, I stood up.
I went ballistic.
I cried and screamed and pounded on the door and tried to break the windows and I knew I scared all the neighbors because when I walked to the lift, I heard them scurrying quietly out of their apartments. They were whispering Japanese and going POM POM POM!, mimicking me slamming on the door.
I decided to fuck it and part with a huge part of my budget to buy a quality charging cable from Family Mart. Then I sat pathetically at a corner of the lift where there was an outlet and just charged up there, watching Rise of the Guardians as I waited.
Siewsia finally came and I didn't want to speak much. She was immensely guilty but I didn't blame her nor anyone else for that matter. I just wanted to crash onto a bed and remind myself I'm not homeless again.
And so I decided to soothe my frayed nerves with a 750 yen Lush bath bomb.
Can you see the sparkles or the advertised galaxy swirls?
Of course not, I got royally scammed!
But it's fine, I continued watching my movie and reflecting on the day's activties.
It was quite funny actually. I intended to stay out tonight initially. I told baby I wanted to get an overnight bag and just explore Tokyo after 2. I wanted to sleep in a cyber cafe and wake up at 4am outside for breakfast. I told him I wanted to experience a homeless man in a foreign land.
And hey, just to show how much they love me, the gods conspired together and agreed to arrange a series of unfortunate events enough to truly give me what I wanted - a night of homelessness, locked out of my own home.
This sounds really sarcastic because it was, at that point of time. But after the soak, I sort of came to realize that I did ask for it, and I did get it, even though it wasn't the way I intended to. So in a way, my day ended okay.
Miracles work in mysterious ways, huh?
In summary:
Fuji-Q highway bus round tickets: 3500 yen
Shitty ice kallang thing: 550 yen
Fuji-Q baked chocolates: 1000 yen
Fuji-Q butter biscuits: 900 yen
Fuji-Q flavoured cookies: 900 yen
Fuji-Q custard buns: 550 yen
Fuji-Q almond cookies: 1100 yen
Solo omelette rice meal: 650 yen
Lightning ip6 cable: 1750 yen
Lush bomb: 750 yen
Total: 11650 yen // SGD$130
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