Cup is solely for vanity purposes.
Today was a speedy day at work. The more Amnig progresses, the more in love I get with it. In fact, whenever any of my friends/ relatives ask me about work, I'll launch into this happy tirade about how I think it will be the next Under Armour.
I think Under Armour nailed it with "Protect this House. I Will.". Just a powerfully simple message. One day, this brand will have one that will burn in every mind they meet too. And I will be the one to see it through.
See what I mean I'm getting excited talking about work again.
Anyway, I'm mighty glad that despite not doing anything, my stomach lines are starting to form. Like honestly I've done nothing. I ate Pizza Hut two nights ago. I'm feasting on Timbre tonight. This is the prowess of my pill, it seems.
In fact, I don't think I've ever been in a better physical state. I am finally a proud sufferer of overly sensitive collarbones because they now protrude so sharply, they could cut me. And my hip bones in the last photo. God I could lift weights with them.
But of course I paid the price. My fingers are trembling as I type this. A pill isn't enough for me anymore so I've upped the dosage to twice a day. And it shows in my involuntary tremor these days. Hope my liver is holding up.
But I'm trying to work out more. There is no virtue in being skinny -- it could be anything from situation to genetics. But to be fit, to be fit is the highest honor. And I will get there.
Carousell is doing really well too, which is putting me in a fantastic mood. I'm also more excited than usual to head to work tomorrow. Am I talking about work too much? Goddammit I want this brand to succeed. I want it so bad.
Time out because my pill is making me dizzy again.
Thank you, you darling man.
Timbre tonight was a reminisce of our second date. That day, I met him for Timbre at Gillman Barracks. I was late and he waited by the taxi stand. We took a cab over and in the cab, I gave him a gift, the first of many that he grew to treasure.
That night, I told myself to be classy but the pizza came and despite seeing him eat with cutlery, I decided to not give a shit and eat with my hands instead. I said it tastes better that way. And he said he thought I was different.
Through the night, we talked about how we fell in love again. He asked me for the exact moment I knew I had to have him. I said it was in between the time he sent me off on my bus till the next day at 3pm when he finally texted. I had never been snubbed for so long. It set me on fire.
I just realized I didn't ask him the same.
He said it was amazing that we found each other despite the defying odds. He repeated the story of how he came across me on Tinder, maddened that I didn't swipe right on him, before realising I did swipe on him on Paktor. And what a joyous moment it was for him!
"Isn't it amazing that I managed to find someone as perfect as you?"
I used to feel the same every night.
But not today.
My stunning man.
We took pictures together at first but he looked so good in his jacket that I made him pose again for me. And him being him, he decided to be serious for a grand total of two seconds before going back to looking weird.
He asked to take a picture of me. I refused at first and tried to move on to take a cab but he insisted. And so I started getting ready to pose. He asked if I was feeling shy. And to prove that I'm not, I begun to WERK IT WERK IT.
Too dark to see shit though.
Our night after was fucked up.
I found out that he cheated in his previous relationship, despite priding himself on being loyal while making jabs at my old adulterous ways. It destroyed my regard for him -- I thought he was infallible to temptation. But he wasn't.
Finding that out was bad, but it wasn't my anger to feel. It didn't apply to me. I don't feel unjust on his ex's behalf. If anything, I feel that now both of them are on par, since she held another cock in her mouth when he was with her too. I simply needed him to tell me he would never do it to me.
But when I brought it up, he flew into a rage and threw things around, point-blankly pretending he never knew the girl and calling me a liar just because I lost the incriminating Facebook conversation. His rage was terrific. He woke everyone.
I was upset.
I was boiling.
I was two steps from locking the door and throwing a chair at his face and screaming "YOU WANT PROOF? I WILL GO TO EVERY BOX BOSS TILL I FIND THE CUNT AND DRAG A CONFESSION OUT HER FILTHY THROAT."
While we are on that; really?
The girl he chose to cheat on with his not-bad-looking ex is a girl with teeth that can help Vanessa Paradis believe she can nail another man like Johnny Depp again? A girl who is that big of a failure in life that she works in Box Boss?
But whatever it is, he accused me of being a liar and tried to force me to go home at 12.35am in the dead of the night. So, I swallowed all my pride and cried and apologized and told him I was sorry for making it up and needing assurance. He icily ignored me and refused to touch me till morning.
And in the morning, he left without me. He continued accusing me of being a lying cunt till 6.35am, where I finally retyped the prime bits of his cheating conversation in full (thank you selectively photographic memory) and finally, he admitted he cheated in his 4-year long relationship.
I told him I wanted to hear that I wasn't a liar and that I didn't deserve the degrading he put me through the night before. He said everything I needed to hear, then tried to dredge up my one-time emotional affair to turn the tables on me.
I put my foot down on it and it ended.
I asked him to tell me one thing: that my decision to stay with him the night before, despite all the degrading and the yelling and the accusation and the shame he put me through, was right,
And he did it patronizingly, then disappeared into work.
Now, I'm not one to air my dirty laundry.
No, I have too much pride for that.
No one needs to know I'm nothing beyond a dog to my boyfriend when we fight.
But this post has a purpose.
This post's purpose is to re-instill steel in me when I need it.
And I will need it when he does this to me again.
Calling me a liar.
Making me feel like I was a lunatic, imagining things to throw at him.
Escaping truths by using his anger against me.
Yelling derogatory words at me.
Treating me like I'm the scum beneath his feet.
Making me feel like I'm not his equal.
You will never read this of course, you stopped reading a word after I agreed to be your girlfriend. You stopped giving a shit to any of my social media accounts after I told you I loved you. All my thoughts no longer matter, when you knew you finally owned me.
So this is my wake up call.
And yours.
The next time this happens, don't worry, I will continue being the doormat puppy I am. I won't walk away from you.
No, I will hold out.
I will wait till I see something ominous unfolding in your life. I will feed it what it needs. I will worsen things to the best of my ability. I will use everything I have on you and match the right information to the wrong man.
And finally, as you get caught in the eye of your impending shit storm, I will leave you. I will give you the world's best blowjob and I will chomp the fuck down right before you nut. I will take everything you love and destroy them. I will break everything you adore.
I will ruin you.
And I will smile through it all.
Do you know what differentiates me from all the other girls you dated, loved and cheated on?
I don't look back.
I won't be the weak cunt who stops and remembers your touch as I prepare to smash your PC. I won't be the gutless son of a gun who stops and fantasizes about your lips as I prepare documents against you. I won't be the spineless loser who stops and whispers "but maybe..?" as I burn everything you ever gave me at your door in hopes you'd catch the fire.
No.
Not me.
Because let's be honest -- if you ever degrade me again, I'd have nothing left to fondly look back upon anymore. And when I go cold, it will be the fucking Ice Age for you. Nothing is stronger than the motivation of a woman scorned. I have destroyed countless men on my way to you; what makes you think you're above them?
But don't let me do it.
I see you in every future I envision. I see us being happy for a long time to come. I see this incident scarring me for a while. But I see myself getting over it too. I see you changing for me. I see myself changing for you too. And I see the best.
But don't disrespect me again.
No.
Not today.
And never again.
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