He left today.
I spent the whole of last night clinging onto him desperately. He was asleep but I kept waking up in the middle of the night to hug him and kiss him and breathe him in.
I didn't have a fitful sleep at all. I was so paralysed by the idea of him leaving for 3.5 months. I kept holding onto him and when I did eventually fall asleep, his alarm shrilled and I woke up with him.
He started the day in a bad mood. I don't know if he's covering up for his anxiousness at leaving home for so long, coupled with the general uncertainty of how this voyage will turn out, but I tried my utmost best to tolerate him.
I did some last minute packing for him and his mum said her prayers and we headed downstairs.
Usually, this is where we'd part. He'd get on his dad's van while I go for the bus. But today, he held my hand and led me to his dad's van. We tucked ourselves snugly into the too-small seat and he napped on my shoulder.
Throughout the ride, I kept whimpering and squeezing him, telling him how scared and sad I was. He kept kissing and hugging me, assuring me everything would be alright. But I kept trembling.
It was such a lovely trip. Me scared and shivering as I always do, and him strong and comforting as he always is. God I love him.
His dad bought him coffee and us peanut cakes but I was so distraught that I couldn't eat anything. I just kept holding onto him trying to not fall apart.
We reached too soon.
How am I going to carry on without you to turn to for 3.5 months?
Saying goodbye was the hardest thing.
Saying goodbye was the hardest thing.
I watched him board the stupid bus taking him away from me for 3.5 months. And all I could do was try my damnest not to cry in front of his colleagues.
I wanted to activate my Guavapass afterwards and just pound the rest of the day in studios but I was so worried he'd call. I stayed home instead and kept a virgil by my phone.
He spluttered out a text or two, and he was gone.
There my heart go.
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