I love the way you smile. I love the way you make me smile. I love e-e-e-e-everything. I love when your eyes glow when you see me. I love when you cuddle up to me. I love e-e-everything about you.
I love you."
-
Tonight, we had a fight that lasted from 9.30 through 12.
It was a shouting match outside the theater, a whispered battle in the theater, and the longest walk back to my place. You were threatening to go home. You said you were sick of this. I asked you to make a choice between leaving me or staying with me. You chose to leave.
And I made a simple decision.
I told myself I'll hold you one last time,
And I'll let you go.
Forever.
And at that moment, the need to touch you burned through my skin. I wanted to remember your scent and taste your lips a last time. I was finally ready to break up with you. This was goodbye.
I stroked your chest. You asked what I was doing. I said I like your chest.
And you accepted it.
So easily, so gracefully.
You pointed to a spot near you and told me to lie there. I shook my head. But you ignored it and scooped me up anyway, holding me quietly and letting me cry a little. You kissed my forehead and stroked my hair and wrapped me deeper into your arms.
And I lost the courage to leave you.
All I wanted was to be your girlfriend again.
I know sometimes it's hard to love me.
Sometimes, it is Everest-esque to love you too.
You; you are the volcano. You would seethe and fume slowly at first, then explode into a horrific show of hurtful declarations and cutting words. You tell me to get out and you tell me you're gonna walk out on me.
I; I am the hurricane. I would rage into a storm, blaming you venomously and forcing my viewpoint down your throat. I tell you I can't stay with a man who cannot assure me and I threaten to make sure you sail a single man.
Your poisonous words would get to me. I would break down and look for the last shred of validation that this relationship deserves a final shot. And you'd give it to me. You'd hold my hand. But I make forgiveness hard for you.
I'll throw your hand aside and reignite the fight, because I don't know if it's resolved. And we will start afresh screaming bloody murder till we get tired again. And I will touch you meekly. And you will pull me in and kiss me with all the love in the world again. You make forgiveness easy for me.
Everything is better in your arms.
In your arms, our fights, that seemed monumental a minute ago, disappear like tiny raindrop evaporating on a windshield. In your arms, I breathe you in and remember this is the man I swore I'll never let go.
You always make things better. You always know what to do.
I remember a particularly fucked up fight where I almost left again. And when we made up, you held my little feet and kissed them happily. You always make me feel like your baby. I don't know where to find any other man as ready to be a dad as you are.
I love you.
Always.
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