Not a rat's ass

I do not give a fuck.

I do not give a fuck.

I do not give a fuck.

The sooner you realize that, the better.

Jesus Christ the laws of attraction are true - the more unavailable you are, the more they want you.

In this past week alone I have received enough, "Hey there Nicole, how are you?" whatsapp message bytes to power a website. Also I obviously don't know my stuff so if my expression is wrong, then fuck it I don't care anyway. Side-note: so nifty this is totally attesting to headline.

Don't get me wrong, it is a wonderful stroke for my ego. It is gorgeous to know my number is still on your list. But unless you are my sex god of my boyfriend, there's little chance I'll give a shit.

See I don't need more friends. I have all the friends I need. So what do you have to offer me?

"Oh I was just thinking about you. I've been good but bored mostly. My life is ruled by army now. Army is YADA YADA YADA" - rip attention span

LOLOL.

You think I give two shits about your boring army life?

Is army boring you? GOOD. I hope it bores you to death so I never receive your messages again. Jesus christ at least pretend you have a better line. How am I? You spoke to me after seeing me on instagram. You tell me how I am. 

I look hot enough for you to come talking to me. Simultaneously, I look attached enough for you to stay away. Why ask stupid questions when you can just be upfront and tell me your motive instead?

But anyway,

To the clueless men in the world: Never start shit with, "How are you?" 

Most of the time, when I ask how are you, I am really just waiting for you to finish typing your crap so I can start on my tirade when you obligatorily ask back, "So how are you?"

So why are you any different? Of course you don't care how I am. If I had answered, "I am feeling pretty sad I am thinking about throwing myself off this ledge lol!" you would've still went on with, "I see. I've been good. Pretty bored I guess. Army sucks yada yada. Wanna have lunch?"

Oh and never mention you're bored. Never.

Here are two scenarios:

1) A guy is texting me out of the blue and he's telling me he's bored. I momentarily consider telling him to fuck off and count grass blades before deciding silence is colder. I blue-tick him to infinity and beyond.

2) A guy is texting me out of the blue and he's telling me he's about to bungee jump and he thought about a discussion we had where I said I wanted to do it too. Now my interest is piqued and I will reply very favorably.

I should have written this sooner. Then I would've asked my boyfriend out last year instead of delaying it to this year's start. See baby this is what happens when you tell me you're bored b.c. (before calves - you have the sexiest calves ever) (which also means before I met you in person)

Always start by telling the chick you thought of them as you are doing something favorable. In fact, as long as it's a nifty little thing (that you can manipulate to be) exclusively applicable to her, it will always work. 

A shoe reminded you of her. An earring reminded you of her. As long as you don't venture into riskier areas like telling her a porno reminded you of her, you would do a-okay.

(Baby you cannot apply this to anymore girls. Only me.)

If you are a girl reading this, then sorry I have nothing to offer you. This guide is a moo point for you. Hehe moo. Anyway you're a chick, so just look pretty and wait for the, "How are you"s to flow in. 

Hope I helped and if I did, you owe me an advisory meal.

Tips and trickery aside, this won't apply to me so unless you have free buffet vouchers for me and my boyfriend, I am not free for the rest of my life thank you. 

I have a bug

My laptop is infected and I am pissed to death. Tremendous fucking sale is taking over byte by byte and I wish I was a computer whiz so I can send them a blue screen and make them fucking cry.

But I cannot so I shall complain here instead.

Also my blog is now keyword activated so if you googled tremendous sale and landed on this page hoping for a solution, I really don't have one sorry but please email me at minicolee@hotmail.sg if you got it figured thank you.

I do have a spare laptop but it is an acer (makes yucked out face) and I am too pampered by my hp's speed to be bothered. Baby you were good once please come back to me, don't force my hand.

I don't want to ever replace you (but I will if you continue to fuck up so you better fix yourself you techy piece of shit before I FIX YOU) (which just means I'm gonna sell you) (any buyers?)

//

Do you hear that?

That, my darling, is the familiar footsteps of our past, coming to fuck me up again.

I wish there was some way to convince myself that you died and that's it, I can be free and I can move on and I can accept that what I did to you, while unforgivable, will finally be laid to rest.

But I'm not given that luxury.

9 years. How do you cancel away 9 years like that? I was 13 then and I am 22 now and sometimes, I wonder if you would have been better off if you backed off after knowing the wreck I was, instead of staying trying to save me as you drowned by my hand.

I am happy now, H. I am so very happy with my lover. He puts the stars in my skies and the beams on my moon. He has everything I never gave you. And I'll never put him through what I put you.

What a tragedy we turned out to be.

What a shame I can never forgive myself.

All I can hope is that one day, when I see you again, you would smile the two-toothed smile I adore so much and tell me we're cool now. And I pray for that searing moment of clarity, where I'll be able to accept that you have finally forgiven me

And I will be free.

Review: Climb Central

Today is my second last day at work.

I didn't know what else to do at work anymore. Post sea games meant a lot of youtube watching and groupon travel deal hunting for me. But that got boring soooo I DECIDED TO CONVINCE THE GIRLS TO ROCK CLIMB!

Out of us four, only Daphne agreed because Syara was fasting and Joey was tired. So we made our way over after I reached work. And little did I know that was the start of a interest I never thought would see daylight.

We went to Climb Central, an indoor rock climbing place inside Kallang Wave Mall.

The one-time registration fee was $30. Subsequent visits are $20 per entrance, with a flat $6 for equipment rental. I think it's pretty fuss free because they provide harness and shoes, so I can go in heels and leave in heels.

 

 

I refuse to apologize for my vanity.

We attended a short intro course and were introduced to the two kinds of belay - the normal one and the auto-belay, which was fucking terrifying to me. I DO NOT TRUST MACHINES THEY WILL REVOLT ONE DAY.

Daphne decided to belay me first.

All taken by the brilliant Joey.

Syara and Joey went up to the second floor to watch us climb heh heh. I wish I could say I made it up the 12m wall on my first try but I pussyed out halfway because I LOOKED DOWN MY GOD ROOKIE MISTAKE.

So I went down like a ton of bricks and Daphne went up.

Unfortunately she did not make it to the top too. She gave up at around the same point I did so I belayed her down slowly, and again we switched. This time I steeled myself and forced myself to keep looking down.

And true enough, fear kept me going.

Oh my fucking god I want to make love to my red hair.











I MADE IT THE SECOND TIME!

Holy fuck towards the end, my palms started to sweat and I was terrified I'll slip off, but the idea of falling terrified me more so I just kept going up. Anytime I needed courage, I looked down. And I vowed not to fall.

Which posed a problem because when I finally did reach the top, amid cheers from the supportive girls so sweet hehe, I refused to let go off the rocks. Daphne was downstairs wondering why I'm not letting go heh heh sorry.

Eventually I shut my eyes and dropped.

Photos post-victory heh heh.

Daphne managed to climb to the top too heh, then we decided to join the girls for lunch because they've been waiting for us for a while now. I was fucking hyped and had the sickest adrenaline rush coursing through me.

Hello purple streak hehe.

Went back shortly after popeyes and started exploring the place. There was quite a wide wall for bouldering, so we decided to give it a go after watching the pros demonstrate. I asked a dude for help too. And so we tried.

Saw a lot of lazy people who refused to take off their harness when they bouldered.

I seriously thought that was a dangerous habit. Maybe it's me, but I am fucking terrified of falling and hence, my jumps are never stable. I cannot guarantee a good landing on my ass, I might slip and hit my spine on the hooks.

So pro-tip always take off your harness. Moving on, I had no problem climbing. My problem, as usual, was with letting go. I reached the top and was like, "OH FUCKING SHIT I DON'T DARE TO LET GO HOW?!"

So I shamefully climbed down.

I jumped from here and bloody near twisted my ankle.

THE FACE OF DEFEAT.

Daphne was pretty good at bouldering. She couldn't reach some of the spots I could, but she could jump without fear. So she got that going for her, which is so great WHY CAN'T I BE FEARLESS TOO FUCK.

She left for the office in a while so I continued, using mainly only the auto-belay lanes since no one was belaying me. And auto-belay terrified me. I climbed up to the top and refused to let go. I climbed back down instead lolol.

What an embarrassment.

Because the auto-belay was in the kiddy zone (6m wall), a lot of kids were hanging around and one of them pointed at me and asked her dad, "Why is she climbing the baby wall?" oh you cute kid, I could just kick you.

Decided to stop after an hour of solo climbing and headed back to office. Grabbed sushi on the way back and had a little meal time alone. Also because I am alone, it meant plenty of photo time. I do not apologize for my vanity.

All in all, it was an interesting experience and I know I'll be back. 

I liked that the place was so convenient to food, so you can chill here the whole day. And I liked that the walls are exposed, so that I am more motivated to climb because I WILL NOT LET THE ONLOOKERS SEE ME FAIL.

I'll be back!

Oh my darling clementine

A long time ago, I watched eternal sunshine of a spotless mind.

After crying a river of tears over that movie, I decided I wanted to be just like kate winslet. No, not a psychotic, poetic, raging part-time cunt and part-time lover, but to embody her policy on hair colors.

[after discussing the names for all the different hair colors there must be] 

Clementine: I apply my personality into paste.
Joel: Oh, I doubt that very much.
Clementine: Well, you don't know me so... you don't know, do you?

She neglects to mention that she can upkeep all these hair changes without her hair begging to die (and dye ehehehe) because she's kate winslet and she can buy a titanic with a month's pay. Also helps that her strawberry blonde hair works with any color.

Nonetheless;





Oh fuck me I love it.

Happy birthday mummy!

Bugged baby out of bed at 9am and went home for my mum's birthday!

Bulk of the day was him fidgeting with the sjcam's accessories and watching my baby brother own ass at gunz while I laid in bed pouty and whiny for his attention. Poor him dealing with me 24/7.

My mum is truly ageless - look at her face!

I think I have superior physical genes. Every single person I know/ met tells me I have the prettiest eyes, longest eyelashes, highest cheekbones, reddest lips, thickest eyebrows, straightest teeth and curliest hair. Nobody talks about my nose. Neither do I.

But my point is everything on my face is a reflection of my parents. My dad has the longest lashes/ curliest hair and my mum has the gentlest eyes. My grandma has the tallest cheekbones/ nicest teeth (dentures but ;et's not be anal) and my granddad has the strongest brows.

But of course I had to make my own life difficult by spending my teenage years rejecting all sorts of food, choosing to read books and write stories over monkeying around tall buildings and lengthening myself and shit.

I THOUGHT WE HAD A DEAL GOD. I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE TALL AND BEAUTIFUL AND I WAS SUPPOSED TO TOWER OVER EVERYONE I SEE AS I STEP OVER THEM.

Now all I can do is crossly terrorize people with my english, and even then it's not a full impact because it's like hearing an ant scream. My god I'm living the angry life on difficult mode.

I am not sure if he was checking out my ass or my hair when he thought it'd make a fantastic photo. But anyway he was in an incredible mood because he is rolling in $$$.

I like watching him when he plays. Most of the other players are shitty losers, always making ugly grunts/ putting on the world's sourest face when they lose. Some of them are plain rude, throwing the dealer money to change to chips or throwing back the cards they opened.

But not my baby no. He politely sets his money down to be changed, he returns the opened cards properly, he wins with a laugh, he loses with dignity and he leaves the table thanking the dealer. 

And I think the gods admire him for that, and they favor him in all his bets.

As you can tell he stopped checking out my hair nor ass and instead focused on taking the the most un-glamorous photo of me he could. Also I may have an addiction to north indian food.

Went home early and l4d2'ed to death with my baby brother who had to save my ass at every turn and at one point went, "Da Jie how come you never improve after so long?" oh my god this is not happening I AM NOT DOING MY GAMING ARM INK JUSTICE.

Woe to me indeed :(