Today was supper with benjamin and belated wishes from alvin on his bike.



I do a million things to myself.

Of all, I let myself go through our photos, I let my mouse hover and I let the pain sink into me and I let the guilt wash over me and I feel like I've been asleep for the longest time and this pain has finally awoken me.

But at the same time, I feel like everything I've been living for thus far is the most numbing shit ever. And all I do is wait around for wednesdays and fridays where I can club all these disenchanting feelings away then depress myself to death at night what the fuck.

Need to find a purpose.