I satisfied my craving for Hello @ Bukit Timah Shopping Centre finally.

Hahah food besides, today was pool with jason and pretty much it. Had dinner plans and rebel plans with reiko AHHH I'M STILL REGRETTING NOT GOING. But I don't know how to describe it. I guess I'm hungry for a bigger experience than just clubbing.

Tonight is a night of reflections.

It seems like there's never a point of time where my life is in absolute peace. Things are always unstable, threatening to change, volatile. Would I say I wouldn't give this up for the world? I don't know.

Sleep has been extremely elusive. I'm turning into a devoted insomniac. These days are all sleeping at 3am with a lot of morning grouchiness after. Also I've been seemingly drinking more lately than ever, it's a habit I do not actually wish to curb but ah for the better.

My heart isn't speaking to me. I'm pretty sure I know what I want, but I don't know how to to continue despite my very desperate attempts at convincing myself that I can. But I guess it's fine, I'm not in a rush to head anywhere.

I enjoy being in a state of self-induced sadness tremendously. 

Sadness is so reliable, so available, so present. People don't understand and they'll give me patronizing crap on cheering up, but don't you see, I don't want to. I am content in my sadness.

Maybe it's because I've outlasted the worst of this world, so when I'm happy, it really feels as if the universe loves me again. To me, it is only when you've survived the depths of Hell do you enjoy a new, refreshingly beatific realm of happiness when it comes.

Signing off,
A mini spark with so much love x