To the Nicole for the past 6 years:

You need to understand.

I am not complacent. Neither am I trying to prove a point. I am not trying to be an example. Neither am I chiding you on your actions. But there is never a better time to wake up than now, do you understand?

It took me the whole of secondary school.

I had my fun, I did a fucked up run.

Things were bad, I was in terrible situations, I chose horrible things over my education, the bulk of secondary school was making bad decisions that my friends just hopelessly watched me fall into.

I didn't give a shit about studying. I let my results fall wherever they wanted, I would've repeated secondary 3 if not for my high English entry grade and all I got in the end was a 22. It led me to the next great mistake I made, that if not for the friends, would've been the Depression of my life.

It took me the whole of my unfinished poly.

I did engineering and was that fucked up.

This time I had an even worse run. Things were bad and for the friends who saved me through my suicidal days, I cannot love you guys enough. Everything was an endless abyss into a rabbit hole.

Every exam term I have to wake up crying over how much I hate programming, how much I hate maths, how much I hate circuits and I go to sleep hating myself for landing up in this shit.

I swore those days are over.

And now, I am finally where I am alright with.

Back in poly, my retainer friends used to joke. We'd be at the canteen studying right before the exam and when I would just fuck it all and watch a movie, they'd tell me they would go pick up application forms for SIM with me later. And we laughed and where am I now.

This is not the best I can do and where I want to be, but this is where I will make the best of. $10k a term leh no joke. I will squeeze SIM dry and I will study to get what I finally deserve.

No more exam periods of breaking down and wondering why can't I do anything right, no more hating myself for being inadequate, no more failing. Enough is enough.

And that is why I study.

And that is why you should too.

I stopped letting myself down after 6 years. I started waking up when I was forced to change kids and their lives with an education and with life skills. You have to wake up sooner than me. Don't be stupid.

(I'm finally here darling. But I was happier than wasn't I?)

Happy is immeasurable. GPA is forever.

(What has happened to you? What happened to your passion and your vices?)

I forgot happy.

(You are a disgrace.)

Well here on is bad self-thoughts so reader, I'd stop here and maintain what's left of my failing image. This is some deep-set ego issues here but it's not why you are here, so let's summarize me in a ill sentence:

WE YOUNG RIGHT NOW, WE YOUNG RIGHT NOW, AND ALL WE GOT IS RIGHT NOW. DRINK DRINK DRINK DANCE DANCE DANCE FORGET EVERYTHING REMEMBER NOTHING TONIGHT WE ARE KINGS OF EVERYTHING.

Is that better?