It is 2am.



Well it's 2.02am, but let's not digress. I am backspacing a lot while typing this. Let me know not using the backspace for a bit. It is 2am and my curtains are drawn, I can't see the night view but I know it's beautiful, the same way I know you're beautiful tonight.

See now I could never find the perfect word for you. I can struggle and hit a squirrel but it still won't come to me. You are beyond words and beyond me. And that is okay, I have learnt to accept it.

Oh the trouble I put you through. All the emotional hell and trips to court and all the places and feelings you would've never needed to know and feel if you were dating a less(er) cumbersome girl.

Stop Nicole. It's 2.08am.

Hello again world.

I just took out my tongue stud and god my tongue feels like silk against my teeth. I don't understand why my stud can't fit into my mouth. Maybe my mouth really is too small for anything.

It feels really nice now, the way I am. I am too busy with everything to bother with much else. The past has a lighter grip on me now and I'm slowly on my way to happy. Let's hope it stays.

I am insanely proud to be from SIM. The next time anyone disses my school, I will condescendingly say "oh you nincompoop, who are you to discredit my hallowed educational house like that" and throw in random big words to irritate them. SIM-er 1, random auntie 0.

Still looking for my train.

x

For The Cousin:

(2 of my most tak glam shots sigh)



“When we met I was wrecked, blasted, and damned, and I am slowly pulling myself together because I can see that you are a human being and I would like to be one, too.”
― Audrey Niffenegger, The Time Traveler's Wife

“It’s dark now and I am very tired. I love you, always. Time is nothing.”
― Audrey Niffenegger, The Time Traveler's Wife

“I know you and I are not about poems or other sentimental bullshit but I have to tell you -- even the way you drink your coffee knocks me the fuck out.”
— Clementine von Radics

“I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.”
— Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

“Yours is the light by which my spirit’s born: - you are my sun, my moon, and all my stars.”
— E.E. Cummings

“Do not go gentle into that good night, old age should burn and rave at close of day; rage, rage against the dying of the light.”
— Dylan Thomas

“Some people bring out the worst in you, others bring out the best, and then there are those remarkably rare, addictive ones who just bring out the most. Of everything. They make you feel so alive that you’d follow them straight into hell, just to keep getting your fix.”
— Karen Marie Moning, Shadowfever

“Most people carry that pain around inside them their whole lives, until they kill the pain by other means, or until it kills them. But you, my friends, you found another way: a way to use the pain. To burn it as fuel, for light and warmth. You have learned to break the world that has tried to break you.”
— Lev Grossman

“Dare I say I miss him? I do. I miss him. I still see him in my dreams. They are nightmares mostly, but nightmares tinged with love. Such is the strangeness of the human heart.”
— Yann Martel, Life of Pi

“It may have been in pieces, but I gave you the best of me.”
— Jim Morrison

“I wanted to destroy everything beautiful I’d never have.”
— Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

“I don’t know when we’ll see each other again or what the world will be like when we do. We may both have seen many horrible things. But I will think of you every time I need to be reminded that there is beauty and goodness in the world.”
— Arthur Golden

“I see you everywhere, in the stars, in the river, to me you’re everything that exists; the reality of everything.”
— Virginia Woolf, Night and Day

“Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.”
― Nicole Krauss, The History of Love

“Because there was a hunger in me to see everything and do everything. I wanted to be everyone I saw. I wasn't enough for me. Can you understand that?”
― Sidney Sheldon, Bloodline

“In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.” ― Albert Camus

“So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you.”
— The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho

“I’m not brave any more, darling. I’m all broken. They’ve broken me.”
— Ernest Hemingway

“As if you were on fire from within, the moon lives in the lining of your skin.”
— Pablo Neruda

“I want you to remember me. If you remember me, then I don’t care if everyone else forgets.”
― Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

x

Never forget: pain is weakness leaving the body.