I've never been athletic.
Not even vaguely.
I spent all my years prior to today simply drifting through life, underachieving in school and work. I always leaned towards the arts. I composed my first mini piano piece at 11. I wrote my first (school) published essay at 12. I took the trumpet. I wrote for years. And so I thought I never needed to be athletic.
But last year, I met Gabriel. And along with him, his cunt of an ex. And God, looking at her sickened me to my stomach. Partly because she slept around with weak-willed men when Gabriel was in outfield, and partly because she was athletic.
And I knew my ego couldn't take it. I knew I had to be better in every aspect. I already know I'm better than her, since I know how to fucking keep my man happy and not lead him to cheating (yes he cheated too. your relationship is the Holy Grail of Relationships Anonymous).
But I couldn't take that she was athletic. How hard can it be? If someone so brainlessly childish and mind-numbingly stupid can do it, then wow I'm gonna ace it if I tried, wouldn't I?
Getting started was difficult though. Prior to K-Fit, I couldn't keep a schedule. I'd have days of determined exercise and I'll fade out. Gym faded off. Running faded off. Pole dance faded off.
You must understand, I have a nice, tight ass and a tiny, 23" waist by nature (not nature actually, I sucked in my stomach for a whole year when I was in sec 3 and the fats N E V E R came back. thank you 2008 Nicole), so I thought neh, I'm good.
But the more I looked at her, the more I hated that I wasn't physically stronger. And there is no force more powerful than my rage. It became my fuel. My anger at her turned to anger at myself for being inadequate.
And I vowed to never die not being the best version of myself I can be.
Cue KFit and my fitness life started.
Last year was a shit ton of intensive yoga and a plethora of aerial arts. Combine that with my increasingly thinning appetite and I was finally in a good place. Still, I wanted more. I was hungry for abs. Which is ironic because to have abs, you have to like never be hungry lol.
A chance conversation with Gabriel made me realize that doing yoga/ aerial arts wasn't enough.
He was saying he has to lose weight soon (I always tell him I like his current belly and pits but he never believes me) and I told him to try yoga with me and he pfft'ed distastefully. And I started to realize that's true, yoga isn't enough. It isn't harsh enough.
So yesterday, I went for my first ever personal training session and by God, was it good. My trainer pushed me to curl 36kg on my final set and I did it I did it I did it! And now, yoga looks mighty small next to my torture yesterday.
And so now, scared as I am with my time management at my upcoming strict-ass job, I am absolutely amped for the conditioning I know I'm ready to put this mind and body through. I probably would have a lot less time to do nothing but I never enjoyed lazing that much anyway.
I was the only one in my hot flow class today and my instructor kept pushing me. He asked for my name, and kept using it in this mean way. "Come on Nicole, how can you give up!" and I was puzzled as to why he kept saying that but I was too in pain to question him lol so I didn't give up.
And eventually, I found out why because when he was pushing me to do a scorpion (I didn't know what move it was, I was just following instructions lol) I said I've never seen this move but did it anyway with his help, holding it for 10 seconds before coming down to die.
When I finally came up, he asked how long I've been doing yoga and I panted out two months and his shock was real. He was apologetic that he made me do that advanced pose at my stage but I was pretty thrilled because WHOOP NEW MOVE. And we continued our advanced flow.
After the class, he continued on to say my progress was spectucular for a two-month beginner, and that he made me start with an advanced flow because he walked in on me doing a tripod headstand and assumed I was a year in into yoga already to be able to hold that pose.
And that feeling is so colossally wonderful.
It's like finally, finally, finally someone validated my efforts! And not just someone biased like my family nor my friends, but someone who actually knows what I'm doing. Someone validated it!!! And now I'm all sassy and motivated! I CAN DO ANYTHING!
Moral of the bragging story is: it's never too late. Like it enough, be motivated enough, and you will see results even if you beg not to, because these same results are what's gonna get you hooked, hungry for more.
I am so glad I ignored all my (close) friends who told me I could never do it, all my relatives who were hooking their left eyebrow thinking I couldn't stick this through to the end, and the nagging voice in my head that keeps telling me I'm not good enough.
SUCK IT. I CAN. I CAN. I CAN!
Also, I finally made it to GIM International!
GIM International is ridiculously difficult to get to without your personal transport. It is tucked deep in Bukit Timah, inside The Grandstand. I like that place because of how quiet and classy it is, but the traveling there is a chore.
There is a shuttle bus in from Clementi though. It was late and hence I was late. I joined in the middle of their stretching exercises. The warm-up in a gymnast's routine consists of side splits. I thought I was going to cry.
But I didn't!
The beginner crash course started with a wheel pose, head on the ground and body atop a cushioned lock. From wheel pose, potential gymnasts will flip over and thus transition into a back flip. I really wanted to but the coach didn't let me so I wheeled around.
After that was handstand and unlike yoga, the gymnast handstand requires no prolonged endurance.
It is simply get up, hold half a second, and flip right over. I managed to significantly improve my handstand holding here with the cushioned incline but the coach did not want me to go on further so that's all I could do (grumpily kicks leaves)
The last bit was cartwheels. The coach gave us varying stages of difficult and in the first two stages, I aced straightening my legs into a perfect cartwheel. But when he added the performance-standard move of step/ hop/ go, I got fucking thrown off and lost my momentum.
But after a while, I got restless and started to slowly sneak away from the coach to try the rest of the apparatus hehe. The first thing I did was mount the rope and I made my way to the top in seconds and stopped only when the coach shouted, "Wa stop stop! come down."
Tried the beam but couldn't stand up for fear of losing balance. Tried the bar and swung around for a bit before realizing I would die if I tried a 360 degree turn. Tried the rings and finally the coach came, giving in to my energy, and taught me some moves!
He then asked what sport do I do additionally and when I said pole dance, he smiled with this nod of understanding and explained, "That's why you can climb the rope so fast. Pole dancers have good arm strength. Next time we will try bars."
So GUESS WHO'S GOING BACK IN TWO DAYS!
In the end, I'm just really glad that all these things I wanted to do, tumbling and cartwheels and whatnots, and not beyond my ability despite not starting young because truly as long as you have adequate strength and good body control, as well as a relentless mind, you could do it.
I will get into my first backflip soon!!!!
I will.
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