It could be that all my life, I have grown accustomed to be worshiped on a pedestal by my ex boyfriends. It could be that all my life, I have been pampered senseless by my ex boyfriends. It could be that all my lift, or rather all my love life, I never needed to be the one trying.
I am unclear which is the actual factor.
It could be that I'm more ready now to settle, and you happened to be here. It could be that I put reminders of you everywhere, to subconsciously implant you in my life. It could be that you simply throw me in the most serious case of boarding school's syndrome I've ever dealt with.
And do you know how I know?
Because you stopped caring about the little things. Be it this blog or my tweets - things you used to look to for more pieces of me have become nothing to you.
To be fair, to paraphrase the wisdom that Siewsia has graciously imparted me:
He did not change. He simply isn't the man he was when he met you anymore. This is because when he met you, he was trying to impress you. That wasn't the true him. That's the "I must impress Nicole" him. You say he's changed - no. He is changing back. That's all that's happening. He is going back to his original from. And if you cannot accept it, then it mustn't be love.
Typical to have the final call to action rest on me. Also Siewsia has a shit ton of wisdom for a girl who's never had a boyfriend. But the point is - that drove the point home.
And beyond that, it nailed the final nail on my willing coffin.
I am in love fully and utterly with you. And I will love you through the days of your indifference, your cruelty, your fucking shit anger words and your laziness for days of your endless love, your little ways of caring, your willingness to pacify me even when I'm at fault and your needy kisses when you see me after a long day.
I started this post back spacing through at least six posts. And finally, it turned out alright.
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