It is November.

This time two years ago, we just started our journey together and it was a delight to discover each other. You discovered new things about me everyday that you loved, and I found myself happy again.

One rollercoasting year down, it was the last day.

I couldn't find the words to keep you walking out the door. I sat on my sofa and watched you leave. I went to the window and I didn't know I wanted to see. But I felt nothing.

The next day, you called me full of hope that we could still work out. The next day, you called hoping that I'll regret everything I said to you. The next day, you wanted to try again.

I hung up on you.

13 months down right now - I need you to know that I've never regretted any decision more, I've never hated myself more, and I've never ached in my skin for your reply as much as right now.

This is for you:

-


Tonight, when she closes her eyes, she will dream again.

Tonight, it is the November of their last year together. She finally sees his efforts and she throws herself into his warm arms.


"I love you."

She holds him close and listens to everything he's never said to her, everything she ignored in her old blind misery. And she realizes she will never love anyone else again.

They hug and kiss and make love in his bed. They laugh and play and share a joint. They grow old and they have a dinner.

Tonight, they are eating at his grandma's place.

"Stay here," he beseech.

"I am here. All your memories are here. And you never have to remember unhappiness again."

She looks at him and for a moment, her heart sways and she almost forgets. But she carries on.

"I can't."

"You are so very dear to me. You are everything I could ever ask for. And I want to love you to the point of madness. But I can't stay."

"You're not real. Nothing here is real. This is my mind, my elysium where you are still in love with me, my perfect dream where we are finally happy. But you're not real."

"I have to go back up there. I have to continue and live my life and love my family and take care of my friends. I can't leave them."

"I have to go back up there and find the real you. I have to face all your rejection and reluctance and I have to try, even if it kills me."

"I miss you so very much, and you and this place gives me incredible strength."

"But I have to go."

"All I ask is you remember."

He sat his spoon down.

She held onto his hand, but he pushed her hand away and slowly started to walk.

She let her tears flow out of her eyes as she hurried after him. She stood in front of him and held onto his arm, but words failed her when he turned to look at her with eyes ablaze with pain.

"The real you ruined me. I will never take you back."

"We are finished."


She woke up.

For the second time that night, she cried.

The day has just begun, and she will find herself get through the day, and when the day is finally over, she will lay on her bed again.

And she will dream again.