It is November.

This time two years ago, we just started our journey together and it was a delight to discover each other. You discovered new things about me everyday that you loved, and I found myself happy again.

One rollercoasting year down, it was the last day.

I couldn't find the words to keep you walking out the door. I sat on my sofa and watched you leave. I went to the window and I didn't know I wanted to see. But I felt nothing.

The next day, you called me full of hope that we could still work out. The next day, you called hoping that I'll regret everything I said to you. The next day, you wanted to try again.

I hung up on you.

13 months down right now - I need you to know that I've never regretted any decision more, I've never hated myself more, and I've never ached in my skin for your reply as much as right now.

This is for you:

-


Tonight, when she closes her eyes, she will dream again.

Tonight, it is the November of their last year together. She finally sees his efforts and she throws herself into his warm arms.


"I love you."

She holds him close and listens to everything he's never said to her, everything she ignored in her old blind misery. And she realizes she will never love anyone else again.

They hug and kiss and make love in his bed. They laugh and play and share a joint. They grow old and they have a dinner.

Tonight, they are eating at his grandma's place.

"Stay here," he beseech.

"I am here. All your memories are here. And you never have to remember unhappiness again."

She looks at him and for a moment, her heart sways and she almost forgets. But she carries on.

"I can't."

"You are so very dear to me. You are everything I could ever ask for. And I want to love you to the point of madness. But I can't stay."

"You're not real. Nothing here is real. This is my mind, my elysium where you are still in love with me, my perfect dream where we are finally happy. But you're not real."

"I have to go back up there. I have to continue and live my life and love my family and take care of my friends. I can't leave them."

"I have to go back up there and find the real you. I have to face all your rejection and reluctance and I have to try, even if it kills me."

"I miss you so very much, and you and this place gives me incredible strength."

"But I have to go."

"All I ask is you remember."

He sat his spoon down.

She held onto his hand, but he pushed her hand away and slowly started to walk.

She let her tears flow out of her eyes as she hurried after him. She stood in front of him and held onto his arm, but words failed her when he turned to look at her with eyes ablaze with pain.

"The real you ruined me. I will never take you back."

"We are finished."


She woke up.

For the second time that night, she cried.

The day has just begun, and she will find herself get through the day, and when the day is finally over, she will lay on her bed again.

And she will dream again.

I have goofy friends.

I see me flipping through books
Overturning tables
Desperately clawing
At the ending melodies of your favourite songs
There is no comfort
My sought is in vain
Once again
Remembering

I see you sipping coffee
Playing your guitar
Moving on
Going where the day brings you
Forgetting

But its alright
You see
I don't need more
But god do I want
Do I want

Sympathy

In the form of you
Letting me
Crawl into your bed
And manifest in your head

Let me

(inspired by fall out boy's dance, dance, whose lyrics I've never properly listened to until today. and now I'm fantastically stuck on that single line and feelin' absolutely messy)

Today I have overslept for school again.

For the last time.

Was so mad at myself and so I left the house early and went to the library and started writing TSL articles to use my time productively. Shortly after decided to head out and get myself my swf ticket in print.



AM I HYPED YES I AM.

This month ahead looks empty yet busy and I love it and hate.

Today, I properly read through Bryan's email.

Which meant it made me smile like crazy when I saw this on the "advertise with us!" tab heh:



SO HONORED I WANT TO CRY.

Headed out to meet the book out man before he books into his new camp - congratulations on the SCS again! And we ended up hanging around Gek Poh and it was a nice place.



Went to geylang afterwards for supper with daryl, krsna and cheryl and it feels really warm and fuzzy to look at a couple who has been in love for so long that they insult each other in front of company.

Makes me miss and wary of being attached again.

Tonight was #legluttony at Chjimes.

Malaysia in the day was scraped because Alvin couldn't ride it thanks to the weather so instead we went on a mini food hunt before finally going to the place I've waited all day to go!



This movie looked interesting but we walked in midway and were too hungry so we decided to walk a round with all the vendors first before coming back to finish the last scenes.



(Mrs. Cupcake from www.mrscupcakesg.com)

Our favourite vendor of the night!

I have since grown out of my waistline-detrimental cupcake obsession and he decided to try the ice cream one instead so my lack of fitness is here to stay. Also the chocolate banana one is fantastic.



(Sheryl Ang from www.sherskitchen.com)

The vendor was looking at me try the samples and suddenly asked "are you from SIM? I've seen you around!" and in my mind, a quick flashback of all the chaobins I regularly put on in school because I'm always late or hungry and I smiled and I tried to save my image hahaha.

Was really excited to try their champagne but there were no samples and I would be living too dangerously near the edge if I bought one without trying hahah so I decided not to.

Sorry fellow schoolmate.



(Lily Lim from www.thefoodrenegade.com)

THEIR TARTS WERE FUCKING DELICIOUS.

Alvin wanted rosemary but they somehow misheard and gave him pumpkin and he hated it hahah poor thing. I ordered a smoked salmon and it is so good, I'm going to hunt them down for more.



Hehe all dressed up with a girly cupcake to boot.



The local movies turned out better than I expected.

The horror flicks especially creeped me out but Alvin kept dismissing them and he probably mentally called me a pussy 7 times in a row but whateva imma bad bitch who doesn't watch what she doesn't want.



This dude was gold.

He did great covers of oasis and some other generic bands I cannot remember, all I remembered was him putting himself down and then suddenly coming out with the most intricately composed songs ever.

His songs were about periods, his love for his grandma, and other totally classy stuff. Made Chjimes feel alive hahaha. I probably should go search up his name and commend his great composer skillz.





So fierce tsk.





Final shot of the night!

I was really enjoying myself, having dainty food and listening to ridiculous music and watching mild horror and I truly hope that such events will come more often and I promise to patronize them all.

Was worried he wasn't enjoying himself so I kept asking and bugging him hahah. He said this place is classy and it's the kind of place he'd love to go and I was happy that I'm not alone in this local love yay!

Please come back for a bigger one next year! #legluttony

I overslept for school today so I thought I may as well catch up on TSL and all but somewhere I got distracted and ended up looking at parent blogs and I am now a new fan of MotherofXander.

It eventually led me to BlogFathers and then mrbrown:

"Why would anyone want to retire Choa Chu Kang?

1. It is crowded as hell.
2. There are no interesting amenities.
3. They have never heard of fresh air there.
4. It is far from the causeways.
5. They expect most of the children there to go to ITE.
6. Lot 1 has 4 cinema screens and 5 ushers.
7. The roads are just complete spiderly convoluted crap.
8. It is full of foreigners.
9. It is the furthest place in Singapore from town, even further than Changi Village."

Choa chu kang is where children's hopes and dreams go to die."

AMEN BRUDDER.

-

Today was a series of back to back plans and some unhappiness.







Spent the evening with syahirah!

We had paris baguette and I found my new food love. We went to kinokuniya and we realized my camera does not shut up. Syahirah also bought three books but I'm too poor to follow sigh.

I want to read the curious incident, catcher in the rye and the great gatsby so badly but I never seem to have time for anything else other than family and friends so maybe when I go on my getaways.

What a nice image to look forward to.



Headed over first to Aquanova with Daryl and friends to celebrate Mr. Michael Song's birthday. Happy birthday you youthful man! Have not met a man with such class in a while - I blame Clementi.

Afterwards was a chance meeting with Malcolm who happened to be right opposite, at Highlander, where he was taking PR shots and my face tells a different story but I swear I was very sober.



The night ended up with me and belinda and ah hua and malcolm.

Well I haven't done this in a while - to squeeze so many places into plans in so limited time and I thought I'd be exhausted but I managed to wake up in time to go to school and listen in class so good for me huh!

-

"My friends tell me I have a very cruel tongue.

And I agree.

I make very quick judgement that can change as fast as it was formed. So it was a nice surprise for everyone when I said I liked Paris Baguette so much I want to lick its walls.

That was when I was a level one, doey-eyed cafe hopper. Cue two more visits to this place and I have finally cracked the code to this place.

Which I will now share with you."



Read the rest over at: (click here!)

Mum helped to dye and it looks fantastic.

Missed my first violin lesson thanks to my own lack of time management so I'm quite miffed about it because the next time would be directly next November. So till then I shall just find new stuff to do.

Forever restless.

Nicole,

Forever remember that all the things you don't type now are the things you'll regret not remembering in time.

Forever remember that you can spend 3 seconds as opposed to 3 minutes on a post but when your memory fails you one day, you will regret everything you didn't type.

Forever remember that memories cannot be recreated and if you don't type down everything just because you feel lazy, you will spend the rest of your life recreating ghosts you don't even remember.

Your memory is ebbing away day by day,

Please don't be your biggest disappointment and saddest regret.

-

(sidenote)

Found this off TheSmartLocal's self-introduction board and my god I amaze myself with the numerous new ways I come up with when asked to describe/ introduce myself. This is my worst yet:

Hello, I am Nicole.

And I like anything dangerous and out of the ordinary and quirky.

I have a weakness for ink and piercings and they have since reflected themselves on me. I also read extravagantly but I am fanatically anal about my books so they're all mint and look unread. I like anything from depressive music to post-hardcore screams. I watch movies that hurts my head deciphering them.

When I feel classy, I read/ watch/ listen to everything in the Golden Age of Hollywood and I feel like a better person. When I feel bad, I read Stomp and laugh at idiots. When I feel happy, I annoy people with bad jokes and entertain myself bobbing to music and dancing to myself.

Once again, I'm Nicole, and I like this.

The last part was supposed to be a jibe at the Obama's "I am Obama, and I approve this message" but I think nobody got it or I presented it badly oh man I really need to work on my puns all.

-



Trying to prettify my white walls and uneven floors.

"

I woke up in a dream today
To the cold of the static
And put my cold feet on the floor
Forgot all about yesterday
Remembering I'm pretending
To be where I'm not anymore

A little taste of hypocrisy
And I'm left in the wake
Of the mistake slow to react
Even though you're so close to me
You're still so distant
And I can't bring you back

It's true the way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you're not with me

(I'm with you)
You now I see
Keeping everything inside
(With you)
You now I see
Even when I close my eyes

I hit you and you hit me back
We fall to the floor
The rest of the day stands still
Fine line between this and that
When things go wrong
I pretend the past isn't real

"

In constant limbo.

Spent the whole day at my grandma's today!

Went the afternoon shopping with her at lot 1 and it is completely cute how my taste matches hers hahah, the clothes that catches her eye are the exact same ones that catches mine heheh I have ah ma taste.

Also she likes century egg porridge as much as I do so we pretty much ordered the same thing and ate and left about the same portion left heheh and she was so cute describing how a cab caught fire last week.



Too gangsta to look at my camerah.

 I went home with bundles of clothes and bags and stuff I dug out from my baby brother's stash. Also went home full and satisfied because she pulled out all the stops and made yummy dinner for me heh.

Also she stuffed me $50 even after I siam'ed her multiple times because her logic is "I very long never give you money already never mind just take don't fight keep safe don't give me back" awww :')

And these are my products of the day:

1st - Surfin' it up @ wavehouse sentosa:
http://www.thesmartlocal.com/read/surf-it-up-wavehouse-sentosa

2nd - Memories @ old ford factory:
http://www.thesmartlocal.com/read/memories-at-old-ford-factory

And I solemnly swear I'll sleep only when Legoland's is up.

i. Baby brother with my ninjago blocks for him heh heh.



ii. MY CLASSY SCHTICK IS NOT FOOLING ANYONE.

Went to all that effort to bun up my hair and wear long sleeves complete with a resplendent necklace and ended up shouting at the idiot to "DON'T ZIGZAG I'M GONNA FALL OFF YOUR BIKE".

There goes my image.



iii. Bye bye idiot.

Reached Singapore and immediately cabbed down to Candice!

Thank you again ApeSnap for organizing this event and for such nice staff who allowed us to come for the next timing because we completely missed the first timing. And thank you candice for waiting heh.



















SURFIN' IT UP WITH CANDICE.

It was so insanely fun I didn't feel the pain of my face smashing against the ground.

When I stepped onto the board, it felt as if everything else tuned itself out and my single mission in life was to balance myself and GOD WAS I HAVING FUN!

The instructor was incredibly patient and she said we had to control the board with our hips (Shakira girl you gonna own this) and I tried but I wiggled too much and panicked and fell at least 3 times before finally being able to balance for a grand total of 3 seconds.    

THAT'S RIGHT FOLKS, FOR 3 GLORIOUS SECONDS THE WAVES RECOGNIZED THEIR QUEEN. 

I uploaded this onto my instagram and one of them asked "I'm surprised you fell on your face instead of your butt" and even right now I'm still in great disbelief that my friend thinks I can choose where and when to fall.

For the record, the waves generated are at such high speeds that I FLEW when I fell down. So I couldn't decide on anything but how graceful I can look on my walk of failure down the slope.

You can watch my "face-down in the dirt, she said this doesn't hurt" take here:

http://instagram.com/p/fpqew2JtBy/

And now I shall forever live by:

Why watch waves when you can ride them?

Such a fantastic experience and I can't fucking wait to be back next month!

Candice had nothing better to do so she decided to join me for my bbq with the guys! THANK YOU SO MUCH GUYS FOR WAITING 4 HOURS FOR ME AND TREATING ME LIKE A PRINCESS.

I was literally on my ass the whole time just sitting around with no idea how to bbq anything and they were just walking to and fro preparing food for me and candice awww so terribly kind.







Thank you guys for the great hospitality and accepting me :*

Today was a glorious Saturday!

Woke up wayyy too early today because I got confused of the actual timing I was supposed to meet Alicia (a fellow TheSmartLocal writer) which meant I only got 2 hours of sleep.

Which means I'm invincible really.





Met up with Malcolm and Averlynn and we were not the latest to reach (I think its time we stopped being fashionably late heh heh heh) but we took the last shuttle so I thank all my lucky late gods.

We were distributed these darling little coupons on the shuttle bus hehe so cute. It entitled us to the media preview and $25's worth of food and drinks - so thoughtful of the folks at Legoland Malaysia!

Also we reached Legoland within just 10 minutes of leaving Tuas (excluding the time at customs because CUSTOMS ARE ALWAYS SLOW THIS IS A BOBIAN ONE REALLY). So mad fast.



My travel buddy who has been to Malaysia so much she could probably bake 16 cupcakes while pointing you directions to the nearest gas station as you spiral into lost madness in a Malaysian car.

Buay tahan her hair in this picture because it looks shinier than mine.





YA YA YA I'M VERY VAIN MOVING ON.





Mandatory shuttle bus group shots!

This is 10am in the morning but THERE IS NO WEARINESS ON OUR FACES because 1) we were pretty hyped up for the waterpark 2) the sun shining from the windows my god.



FEELIN' SPECIAL BECAUSE I GET TO SEE IT FIRST.

(though there are probably buckets of crowds there right now sigh)



Such adorable ticketing stands heh heh.



Feelin' special ONCE AGAIN!

Also I realized the trees look like mini ones from gardens by the bay.



AND WE ARE HERE!

Welcome to the largest Legoland Waterpark in the world! 

Please go home USA and whichever other country that has Legoland because this one's taking the crown. And we were the first people to get to enjoy Legoland Waterpark Malaysia woohoo!

It opens to the public on 21st October 2013 so I really shouldn't be feeling that special hahah but I'm easily pleased heh. The Legoland hotel is scheduled to open for 2014 so hardcore Lego fans, plan your itineraries!





Do we look fantastic or what heh.

The photographer told us to do a "L" pose for Legoland but then he must not be very clear of Singapore hand signs so we decided to just do our own schtick, which meant a vain pose for me as you can see.





While waiting for the media briefing to start.





Goodies for the media heh, inside is a towel and a fancy file hahah I am easily pleased.





I have become too lazy to apologize for my vanity.



Fuel for the poor starving Malcolm.



And it starts!

It was basically a short affair - we were introduced (I am bad with names and I shall admit I cannot remember ah I AM SO SORRY) and after a quick q&a session, this is what I found out:

1. The park is specifically designed for families with children between the ages of 2 - 12 but they would be happy to cater to hardcore fans too.

2. The highlight of the Legoland Waterpark would be the Build-A-Raft River (see photos of my glorious cyclops later) and the Joker Soaker

3. It opens on the 21st October 2013 to the rest of the world!

4. Day tickets are RM105 for adults and RM85 for children.

5. There are food and beverage outlets, private cabanas and Legoland exclusive souvenir stores.

And then before I knew it, it ended hahah oops.







Blurry overview shot because my phone stayed in this waterproof pouch that is an incredible accessory but causes some of my photos to be a little blurry thanks to water on the surface.

Ok why am I getting technical let's move on!





My shots stopped after this photo because of the drop (as you can see) which I underestimated so I screamed and my phone flew out of my hand and that was when I learnt it was fully waterproof.

Thank you creators for this piece of godsent.





Averlynn is arriving (heh).





And this would be the Build-A-Raft River!

You can't see it much but there are lego blocks floating around. And contrary to people crying out their mother's name when they step on such bricks, these are soft and cushy and I would know because I threw one at Malcolm and he returned fire and we're both still free from bodily injuries.

I probably liked this attraction best because that's where I created my monster.





Say hi to my cyclops.

I swam (okay not really I just waddled) around looking for his eye and some kid had it and when his tower fell I quickly snatched it up so IT TOOK ME A WAR TO EARN THIS EYE.

However I did not have time to instill discipline into this guy because as you can see, he is visibly checking out lego lady in the first photo and then just blocking her out in the second when she ignored him.

My god (lego) men and their issues when they don't get the girl.



Malcolm built a fortress that fell like a ton of bricks soon after.

(hehehe)

(SUFFER MY PUNS!)



Alicia chillin' with a zip loc!



Averlynn chillin' with lego blocs!

(I think I'm the only person who understands my own jokes sigh)





Malcolm the mermaid l'orealed by.



ME AND MY FINAL CREATION.

I gave it a hat and a mouth and some new body structures and subsequently beat it down and tried to make a float with the blocks but the lifeguards stopped me sadface sadface sadface.



I like this photo best.

Lego blocks washed up. What a strange world.



You can trade them but we didn't know where to get the figurines from!







Cannot believe the guys behind me strutting and ignoring me taking a photo.

But nvm it's okay my aim was to squeeze the very shameless me and the Legoland sign into a picture and at least that much is achieved! amid the pseudo supermodel and gutty man at the back.



WERE ANY CLOSED DID I MISS OUT ON ANYTHING DID I?

Okay calm down Nicole I think we covered all the rides.



I'm not good with scenery photos.





My favourite spot!







And we had a pit stop here.

To be honest I expected the prices to be much higher for a specialized theme park with such great effort into their infrastructure and all. So it was a very pleasant surprise. Should've tried their specialty drinks.





Heh heh.



Heh heh heh.



HEH HEH HEH.

Was almost crying with happiness when Averlynn and Alicia came back with the food. I ordered a mini freid chicken (5pcs) and cheesy wedges and a ribena and they were fantastic. The packaging is so cute.

I'm getting hungry typing this.







Gorgeous views of a gorgeous place.







Group shots with the brick!

I remember when I first saw it, I squealed and my first words to the costumer was "hello! oh no I don't know if you're a male or a female!" and he/ she almost didn't want to let me hold his/ her hand HAHAHA.

No points for creepy Nicole.






We left and managed to catch an early bus (thank you so much!) and customs were so smooth (thank you so much again!) so we reached Singapore within half an hour (THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!)

Malcolm, Averlynn and Alicia left at Jurong because we are all westsiders but I had to attend the Girls Learn to Ride Wavehoust event so I dropped at the usual spot which was the Singapore Flyer.

Which meant a lonely short ride that I kinda enjoyed.

Look at the view.

So serene.







Ahahaha old habits die hard, got self-obsessed again.

But all in all, it was a fun time! 

I enjoyed all the rides I went on and I really especially liked the Build-A-Raft River and the food was great and the people were so friendly and my only complaint is the food took too long to reach us.

For those who are going to come for their grand opening on 21st October, please prepare some of your own food from home so the wait for the food there will be more bearable.

I would see no need for a sunblock because we're entering the stormier months and it did rain towards the end of our trip so I probably would advise you to bring a lot more food. Food is king.

Thank you once again TheSmartLocal/ Bell Pottinger/ Legoland Malaysia for the sponsored trip!