An interview with myself:



/ Hello Nicole.

Hey there.

/ How are you?

I'm confused.

/ Why?

I don't know what's right to do, what's best for the person I want to see the most.

/ Do you think the time is right?

Yes. No.

I'm scared and excited but all I want is what's best for him.

/ Do you believe in signs?

No. Yes, yes I do.

/ Do you think you deserve it?

I believe the world is about balance.

That for every force forward, there is an opposing one to fight it. That for every night I passed up to lose myself, is another night I'll ground myself better and be clearer. That for every right thing I've been doing, I may slowly re-deserve you again.

I guess the answer is I hope I do.

/ Does he know?

He doesn't know anything.

/ Have you tried anything?

I see his life through the lenses of an outsider, I watch his life in pictures, pictures that ceased to exist today and I cannot understand if it's for the better or the worse, and it scares me terribly.

/ Will you try anything?

Yes.

But I don't know how to.

/ Are you prepared for the pain?

I am prepared.

I am prepared for whatever I may be thrown with. I am ready for rejection, for damage, for further insult to injury. I will remember that this pain is a debt I owe. I will remember to put what I want before my pride. I will remember everything me and him had and I will remember his vows to me.



Has this helped?