Alright I know I've been severaly lacking in posts,

LET THE UPDATES BEGIN.

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Alright so now that I'm done with the photos and a patronizing phase for each, let's delve down to the deeper parts of my mind that nobody cares about:

Lately, I've been feeling pretty fixed.

There was a very, very long period of time when I was feeling messed up all the time and it hence led to a lot of wrong decisions, because I was so convinced my life can't get any better anyway.

That was the period where I loved alcohol like a mother and dated without thinking ahead and overall, it did nothing but kill my self esteem because I believed myself to be beyond salvation.

But slowly, I managed to find myself again.

Maybe it's the hobbies. I found a lot of new things to do. I did some baking, yoga, kickboxing, archery, drawing, painting, everything in between that makes me feel a little better about this lousy self.

And it worked.

Instead of being sad all the time, I'm now more inclined towards the side of my mind that wanders about my future online apparel site, becoming a goods merchant with groupon, deeply considering if I can afford to have my own business and stop at a diploma, or find funds to get a degree for a fail-safe.

And I'm happy.

I'm happy all these are shaping my new thoughts.

But of course, with the pretty came the ugly. I have finally given up on the two secondary school friends most dear to me and even though it tugged like a bull on my heartstrings at first, I've learnt to ignore it.

Amid these changes were meeting a lot of people be it from work or friends who told me about their life experiences, all of which I use to better myself and remind myself to not end up like them (if they're telling a bad story la like they slapped a tree or something).

But most nights I realize what's really wrong.

I simply. cannot. feel. anymore.

I have grown indifferent to anyone outside of my friends and family.

If you have an ulterior motive, you will land in the no man's land in my head.

I asked myself quite a few times if its because I'm just fixated. But then again I will end up questioning myself again and I end up in that same loophole. Am I indifferent or fixated - then I realize it doesn't matter.

I've always been used to drifting along,

And now, I'm drifting towards, slowly and perhaps surely,

But at least the currents are no longer trying to drown me.