9.30AM in the morning:







Velvia'ed to death.

Spent today morning alone reading my kafka on the shore at a quiant cafe in velocity before heading over to my psychiatrist. 2 hours later, I am drained and her words have corroded into themselves into nothing.

The only thing that really burned it was her analogy of me:

(gestures to a bottle of water she was holding:)

Ms. L: You see, these are your emotions and everything you've been taking in. You're only what, 19? And it's fast filling up. Very soon it's going to reach its brim-

And I will lose my mind? And I will explode? And I will lose control?

Ms. L: And you'll lose your ability to feel. 

That's why you've been feeling indifferent. That's why when you talk about the bad things that happen to you, you genuinely don't feel anything. Until you learn to start draining this correctly, you're not going to move on or get better. And from what I see, you're not handling well at all.

I felt nothing.

So I went to work.

Today was 5 of us probationers and 1 new volunteer so it was really crowded and there's not much work to do. Kim has a court review tomorrow so here's to it turning out perfectly and that we'll see him back here wednesday. All in all I had a nice day doing nothing. Rush hour hell starts tomorrow.

Spent the night packing the last of the goodie bags/ soft toys for the kids homes and clothes/ books and I was finally incredibly fulfilled the night before, but it's now diluted to a meh.

Sigh.