On DBS and opportunities

It is 11:38am.

At 2pm, I have the opportunity to sign an offer with DBS Bank Asia. I could have been earning $2500 a month before I turn 21. I could have had my 26 days unpaid leave, my medical benefits, my transport allowance, my year end bonus, my chance of promotion within DBS in 2 years.

This opportunity will not come again. I have spent the past 2 months since graduation moping around at home while I fire out resumes after resumes and attended interviews after interviews. The idea of another interview nauseates me.

But the idea of working 9-5 and working shifts and hours at a job I know I'll hate nauseates me more.

It is 11:41am.

I am remembering how I felt when I stepped into DBS's HQ at changi. The 1.5 journey pissed me off to no end but I arrived eager and wide-eyed. I watched the DBS tv for 45 minutes. I saw the working folks walk into the building in their immaculate suits. I heard their deep conversations. I wanted in.

But I can't do it.

It is 11:43am.

I closed JobStreet and opened SGcares instead. I am thinking of volunteering to keep my sanity while I continue to look for jobs and source for internships. I am wondering of the days ahead of money issues and how to get more in the shortest time frame possible. I can still change my mind. DBS is only a half hour cab away.

A 9-5 job awaits me with a promise that fresh graduates only dream of. A job of unparalleled employee benefits calls me. A job that I could maybe try out till the end of this year is at the other end of Singapore holding a contract with my name on it. I could've earned more than 10k by the end of this year despite joining only in August.

But I want to write. I want to take photos and I want to write and I want people to read my writings deep into the night and think: wow thank god for her inspiring me. If not I would've never gotten out of my shithole.

I want to write for magazines and I want to write for newspapers and I want to write my own book and I want to write poetry and I want to write and write till I die.

I've always been a dreamer and I've always disappointed myself no matter what I do. I am 21 and my life still hasn't gotten itself together. I have been presented with the best possible monetary opportunity to get my shit together. And I am letting it go.

This will not be another disappointment. I will not regret being a dreamer. I will find my way through Singapore's sordid mess of being unhappy all the fucking time and I will find my way. I will not allow myself to be unhappy anymore.









I am chasing my dreams.