I caught Transformers over the weekend.

And sincerely I was thinking, "how can they fuck this up?"

But life is as life does and disappointment likes to find it's way up to me like an old friend and choke me from the back and upper cut me with my own expectations and kick my non-existent balls.

For a start, let's go down the list of the people I hate a.d. after dino-transformers:

1. Kim Kardashian
2. Still Kim Kardashian
3. The entire cast of Transformers

In the short year I waited for Transformers 3 (it has dinosaurs wtf its gonna be fucking amazing), I transited from continuously wondering whytf shia is so fucking clueless all the time in the movie, to thinking "damn that innocence is cute" and what is it brought on from you ask?

Nicola Peltz and co.

I adored Megan. I tolerated Huntington. I abhorred Peltz.

Wasn't Hollywood trying to reboot the whole "wow I'm a woman I am more than my boobs" with paltrow being a power-inflamed pile of mess in iron man 3 and the upcoming Thor woman? Then why make peltz more worthless than toilet signs next to a urinal?

And that's not all.

Do you know why people bothered over Megan Fox's replacement? Because she was a badass motorbike, car-hotwiring, machine lovin' goddess and I could do with fantasizing about her while I tolerate shia lebeouf repeated incompetence.

Nobody cares about shia being gone because he was a simple, stupid accessory to Transformers. And I doubt anyone would mind if walberg goes because to face fact is to realize that the whole point of the show is the orgasmic Optimus Prime and everyone else are just time-fillers.

All in all, Transformers 4 (that's right you don't deserve the rest of the movie title) is a disappointment in waves and I am never watching Transformers again.