The wound of you leaving me is as fresh as yesterday. I decided again to look at our album.

And I saw a photo of your back view.

-

It was our fancy date.

I didn't know where we were going.

But we were at Central.

And you looked so wonderful.

You went to check the bus timing.

And you looked so wonderful.

I told you to pose because I wanted a photo.

And you looked so wonderful.



You cuffed your pants the way I liked them.

You wore a fancy new blazer we ordered together.

You looked incredible.

And for the rest of the day, I took more photos of you than I ever did again.

-

Here I am.

10 months too late.

I remember how I felt nothing when you walked out of my flat. I closed the door and I moved on packing for my flea the next day. You broke and you called me the next day still, forgetting all the pain I put you through.

And I ignored that too.

-


2 months ago, I gathered everything I had and texted you.

And it was such a lovely conversation.

We caught up and you were funny and witty and you didn't change - your typing stayed the same, your lousy shortcuts stayed the same, you stayed the same (or maybe, I don't know).

My happiest recollection is you excitedly telling me (initiatively!) that your pc has reached you finally. And you were excited to start it up and get to customizing it in the sexy, sexy way only you know how.

But it died down. And I didn't know how to revive it.

-

Every night before I sleep.

Every morning when I wake.

I wonder why am I even bothering with this life.

The thought that I, Nicole, could be ruined forever by you.

Haunts me.

Kills me.

Makes me cry in my sleep.

I remember dequalinium.

I remember your dreams of us.

I remember your stupid 2 tooth smile.

I remember everything.

I remember everything.

I remember everything.

Where are you tonight?

Are you well?

Have you been eating okay?

Did you manage to start up your pc?

How was your trip?

Is army being kind to you?

Can I see you?

Please?

-

How extremely sad it is that I feel all these inside me burning me to my core but all I'm capable of showing my family and friends are a happy face and a pair of dancey feet.

Rescue me.