Lost opportunities, wasted being

I love the colors of this set of images.

The process nah not as much.

(whiny post up ahead!)



I missed out on 2NE1's surprise concert despite the direct exclusive approval from Stardom Entertainment to be part of their Singtel promotional video.

Because I have to get home by 10pm.



I am going to miss out an exclusive media invite to the upcoming TheSmartLocal fully sponsored Legoland x Hello Kitty Town trip to be part of the team going for their 1st overseas event.

Because I cannot go overseas without a 1-month approval.

x

And here I am.

I'll be honest.

I'm in my room, on my laptop, instead of packing for the trip. I'm in my room, my playlist is shuffling to secondhand's serenade miserable songs, instead of getting excited and charging my cameras.

I'm in my room, and I've huddled up into myself and cried silently for the past 20 minutes thinking of lost opportunities and what could've been.

I hate being on probation.

I hate feeling like I'm the goverment's dog. 

(oh but I am. a legal one no less)

I hate feeling like my life isn't mine. 

(I don't make my own decisions - I have to get approval from a judge and an officer)

I hate needing to hide myself from me.

(I can't get new piercings, new tattoos, nor a new hair color)

I hate being home by 10pm.

(and it has caused me so much family conflict, friend inconveniences)

I hate missing out on opportunities.

(all the jobs I've lost because I have to be home by 10pm, all the stress from handling psychiatric sessions counselling sessions and work, all the chances offered by companies I cannot take because of the curfew and my no-flight status, all the nights alone at home when I should be living up all of my 20 years.)

I hate it all.

I fucking hate it all.

But there's nothing I can do about it.

And I've ran out of anger. All I can do now is weep and wait for fucking 16th October 2013 where I can finally live again. No more reporting no more restrictions NO MORE WASTING OPPORTUNITIES.

FUCK.
FUCK.
FUCK.
FUCK.
FUCK.

Please don't let me reject any more opportunities. Please let them come again after 16th October. Please don't let them forget me. Please keep me in their heads. Please don't let my life go to waste.

There is no God.

There's only reality and disappointments.