Today was a tiring day of rushing and rushing and rushing and god being a mystery shopper is so much tougher than I thought it'd be. No photos of anywhere since everything is so crazily confidential.

But anyway,
I have a very bad addiction.

I am addicted to everything bad and disastrous for me. It doesn't matter who try to come into my life and what their intentions are, I will shut them off the minute I feel that they're good and I'm not.

I know I will ruin them so I'd rather just avoid them like the plague. I have been in desperate recluse from most of my guy pursuers/ friends after being convinced of what and who I finally want.

In my life I probably have rejected plenty of people who went on to recover badly from me, who never understood the things I did and the way I am. But after the hate and hurt, it's still an unforgettable window of blissful time burned into their skin. And I guess that's what worsens themselves, never me.

So anyway, my family was talking about signatures and I remembered a signature analysis a friend did for me some years back. I haven't re-read it yet, so I'm going to paste it here now:

You have very negative outlook in life, and generally think life sucks; something which is not been very well for you. However, there is something good in you, and also some hope.

You need to find something that makes you feel positive in life; your partner must try to find it for you. Maybe, he can help to influence you in you in your hobby or something you are good in, and your outlook in life will change.

You are not very good in money.

Very strong and private things have happened and you don’t share much about your personal life. You are very quiet and whatever you are portraying may not be your true self.

You have some career-mindedness and you want to prove that you can succeed. You should think more positively in your smaller successes in life. Your partner should come in to help you and then you probably can turn around.

You are careful with words. However, you can also be very rash, such that you say things you don’t mean and even slam the phone. You have a bit of temper. You are stubborn, but not very extreme. Stubborn can be good, such that people can’t influence you easily.

There are some uncertainties in you and you are lack of confidence. You are indecisive.

Career – You don’t know what you want to do yet. However, try not to do something that has to do with confidentiality such as financial or Human Resource (HR).

Analyzed on 02 November, 2009.

Firstly, happy 3 years of still mourning after me. Can't believe even after all these time, your recent mention of me is barely a week ago. Have you learnt nothing since I left? Still stuck in your ways.

But nonetheless.

Yeah man I still cannot keep secrets. I can bring the secrets of the ones I love down to my grave but if I do not care for you then oh. I am still indesicive in matters of the heart but have since been cruelly quick on anything else besides.

My confidence falters and rises on bad and good days respectively, it's either a day trying to kill myself for being so imperfect or a day with the wind in my hair. Yes I am rash still. And yes I am still stubborn, how absolutely right on it is.

I am still not thankful for my smaller success and am hungry for more. Hopefully my future partner indeed proves helpful. Even stronger, more private things have since passed but I'm still surviving without too much broadcasting so I guess, same old same old.

What is this I am good with money alright. I still don't think I'm particularly good at anything so yes, my partner needs to come in. And I don't have a negative outlook on life. I just view it apathetically -- as a joke sometimes to humor myself, as a tragedy when it hurts, and as a blessing when all else fails. It's nothing solid.

Of late the words of a wise friend have been stuck in my head,
"I believe that a person should, at any one time, always be a little intoxicated."

Maybe I need that life again.